Being Me
by I'mWhisperingToDawn
Summary: I have always thought about going back to see him. I wanted to see how he was doing. What he looked like. But that was a whole 6 years ago. He probably wouldn't even remember me. But one day I will. I'll go back. Just to see him. At least once. MxN
1. The Start of My Life

**Being Me**

**Disclaimer: Do I even need to put this? I mean, we all know that I don't own it…**

_**Okkay people: I know I have a lot of stories out there that aren't finished, but I wanted to just post this first chapter just to get it out. So don't expect fast updates!! Unless I get lots and lots of reviews…Hehehe…which probably won't happen.**_

_**Chapter 1: The Start of My Life**_

I was told when I was a little baby girl, I was fat, chubby, and always wanted to eat. Apparently, I ate coal out of the fireplace once. They found out when I went up to them and gave them a great big smile of black teeth. Oh, and the fact that there was a trail of black leading to the open fireplace. Guess that's what happens when you don't watch your kid carefully enough.

Oh, and the time when I crawled to the kitchen and went in the garbage because I was hungry and, well, that was where I saw all the food go. How was I supposed to know that the food in there wasn't edible?

And when I was thirsty, I went to the bathroom to drink out of the toilet. Shoot, might as well put out a dog bowl out there.

But hey, I had those dumb times, but I also had some pretty smart times too.

I taught myself how to walk. I saw my brother and sister running around the house playing with each other, and I felt a little left out. It was about time I get to have some fun too. I picked myself up (not very hard, yet) and stood there. Yay. BUT then I started to try to move my leg. I was wobbling back and forth, back and forth, and then FINALLY, I got it to move. Then I took another step, then another, then, well, I fell. But hey, I got a few steps in there. It's a lot of work for a little chubby baby you know.

I was able to teach myself how to spell, before I went to school. I didn't go to pre-school. I stayed home and waited for my brother and sister to come home everyday. I may not have been able to spell some words, (okay maybe a lot) but those words that you wouldn't think a little kid would know how to spell, I tried to. The first word was present. I was only 3. But I sounded them out, and got it right. My mom said that she was so surprised that I got it on my first try, but in my mind, it wasn't all that hard of a word to spell. But then again, I couldn't spell come. I spelled it: cum.

I wrote a book, too. When I was 4. I sat down at the table, got 3 pieces of paper, folded them in half, and wrote away. In yellow crayon. Boy was I a smarty. When I was done, I stapled them at the crease where I folded it, and handed it to my mom to read it. She was surprised. Not because 'oh this is actually interesting' or 'ooh, she got all the words right' or 'wow she can actually write'. What she was really thinking was: 'Haha, she wrote in yellow crayon!'

Well, I think it's about time to tell you that my name is Mikan Sakura. Currently 5 years old, heading over to my Kindergarten class. The school I'm going to is Great Valley Elementary School, and apparently, my teacher's name is Mrs. Agello. Ha, weird name, reminds me of Jell-O. I'm walking with my dad, Yuki Sakura, and my mom, Yuka Sakura, is at the house, probably still trying to keep the flowers in the front of the house alive. For some reason, they are always dead, no matter how well she treats them. It's kind of funny, though, how she still tries.

* * *

"Natsume Hyuuga." Was all he said. Then sat back down. Hmph. B O R I N G .

"Hi, my name is Mikan Sakura!" I smiled. "Nice to meet you!" Then I sat back down. Well, I guess it's boring no matter how you say it.

"Hello! My name is Jazelle Zenurami." She smiled. Hmm, she's really cute. I like her. Maybe we'll be friends!

Well that was the last one. That was really short. And boring. As I have said already.

The teacher is now giving us our seats. She has a little piece of paper in her hand, so I'm guessing she made seating arrangements already.

Oh yeah, and just so you know, we were all sitting on this colorful carpet on the ground earlier. Each of us got out own little square to sit in. I ran to a square that was red, but then this girl took it…and told me to sit somewhere else. But by the time that happened, all the squares were taken except for the one in the back, by Hyuuga. I didn't care, I still don't really. I would like to try to get to know him, but he seems quiet.

"Mikan Sakura." She called. Oh! There's my seat!

Next…

To…

Hyuuga…

Oh well!

"Hi!" I smiled. "You're Natsume Hyuuga right?" I asked. Even though I knew perfectly well that he was him.

"Yeah." Was all he said.

"I'm pretty sure you know my name already, but I'll just say it again. I'm Mikan Sakura! Will you be my friend?" Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes-

"Sure."

YESSSS!!!

**[A/N: Yeah, yeah, Natsume definitely OOC. But you'll find out why later. …YES. There is a reason why he's OOC.]**

"We're going to be the bestest of friends Natsume! I know it!"

* * *

"Ne, ne, Jazelle-chan, you want to come over my house today?" I asked.

Jazelle is now my friend. Probably closer than Natsume, since I haven't the chance to talk to him yet…

"Sorry Mikan-chan, me and my mom are going to spend some time together. Like go shopping, and she said she would help me with my homework."

What kind of excuse was that? Oh well, I would probably say the same thing if I was her. What can I say? I love my mom!

"Mou, fine." I pouted. I went to find my dad to go home.

* * *

"So did you make any friends?" My dad asked.

"Yes! Jazelle-chan and Natsume-kun!" I replied. He was silent for a little bit. I don't know why, but he just is.

"That's good Mikan-chan." Was all he said. Then it was silent the rest of the way home.

* * *

"A day care!?" I yelled. "No way! I'm not going to a day care!"

"But Mikan-chan, you have to! I have to go to work now and so does your father. Your father already took the day off yesterday to bring you to school, and he can't do it everyday. There's no way you can get to school! The day care will take care of you then drop you off to school when it's time. Please Mikan." My mom reasoned. I looked deep into her eyes.

"Fine." I agreed.

My mom dropped me off this time. I got there, still mad, with a grumpy expression. But that grumpy expression soon disappeared when I entered. The reason? Turns out Jazelle-chan goes there too!

"Jazelle-chan!" I ran to her.

"Mikan? Why are you here?"

"Well isn't it obvious? I go here now because my parents don't have anyone to drop me off to school since they have work."

"Well then how'd you get to school yesterday?"

I made a face at her. "I could ask you the same thing."

She rolled her eyes. "My parents took the day off yesterday to drop me off." She said. My eyes grew big.

"Hahaha! So did mine!" I pointed at her and laughed.

"Really?"

"Yupp!"

* * *

"C'mon Natsume, let's go play on the monkey bars!"

"No."

"Mou, Natsume! You're my best friend! You have to!"

…

…

…

"Geez, Natsume, you're no fun. I'll go by my-"

"Fine."

"Hehehe, Natsume, I knew you would!" "Let's go!"

* * *

**Okay, yeah, chapter one is a little short…it'll get longer. And more detail. And guess what~ **

**At the end of this story, I have something to tell you. But that will be quite a while!!**

…**Or will it? **

**Just kidding. It will.**

**And sorry this chapter isn't that great. It'll get better!!**

**REVIEW~**


	2. Going to 1st Grade

**Being Me**

**Disclaimer: I ::coughdontcough:: own Gakuen Alice. Yeah, that's right, you heard me. **

**Okay, turns out I'm able to update sooner than I thought :) I hope you like this chapter!**

_**Chapter 2: Going to 1**__**st **__**Grade**_

I was crying hysterically. "Why!? Why, mom!? I don't want to!" I screamed for the 5th time already.

"I'm sorry, honey, but this house is just too small for our family now. We need anther one." My mom tried to reason, again.

"That's not good enough! We were able to live in this house for the 6 years I've been here! We should be able to go another 12!" Our house _is _small. I knew that. But I did _not _want to move. It's not a very big move, only 15 minutes difference, but it wasn't the moving to a different town I was fussing about. Because when we move, we'll also move schools. Which means no Jazelle-chan, no Natsume-kun. That was something I was not willing to do at all.

"I'm sorry sweetie…Tomorrow is the last day of school, so you can say your goodbyes. I'm sorry." She put her hand on my shoulder, as she said it, then walked away to her room.

I didn't want to move. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay. Stay with my friends. I was so excited, too. Next year, we would have those individual desks that you can open the top and put your stuff inside.

But all that didn't matter anymore. I didn't care about the desks. I cared about my friends. I was going to leave. I'm forced to leave this place. Leave everything. And now all I can do is try to be strong.

* * *

"Mi-chan, are you okay?" Jazelle-chan asked me. I think it was Jazelle-chan. I can't really tell. My eyesight is kind of blurry today.

You might as well call me a zombie because my eyes are swollen, I have bags under my eyes, and I'm acting as though I'm dead.

"Uh, what? Wait, that's you, right, Jazelle-chan?" I slurred. I touched her face and felt her hair. "Oh. Yeah, that's you."

"Mi-chan, what has gotten into you? What happened?" She asked.

"What? Nothing happened. What are you- oh." I cut off. I had totally forgotten about what happened after school yesterday. That's probably why my eyes are puffy and I can't see very well today. I couldn't sleep last night. In fact, I didn't sleep at all. I cried the whole time. My eyes are probably red too.

"What?" She stared at me worriedly.

I can't tell her. If I tell her, she'll be sad all day. "Nothing, Jazelle-chan. I'm just not feeling well today."

"Then call your mom and dad! Why are you even at school then?"

"Uh…no! No, not like that…uhmm…"

"Yeah?"

"I'm just tired. That's all." I did a fake yawn. She gave a sigh of relief.

"Mi-chan, you don't make sense sometimes. And you get me worried." She smiled.

"Okay, kids! It's time to go to school!" Everybody groaned when the people that take care of us said that.

"C'mon Mi-chan, I want the front seat today." Jazelle-chan tugged me away to get into the van.

* * *

"Hi, Natsume-kun." I said bluntly. He stared at me.

"What's wrong with you." He stated. At least a hint of concern, even though I really didn't want to hear that. I looked up at him and smiled.

"Nothing's wrong, Natsume. Please just let it go." I said. I didn't feel like lying, and I didn't want to talk about it. I just hoped he would let it go and let me be. I would like to enjoy today with as much fun as possible, without my friends sharing my sadness. "Let's go on the monkey bars!" I said enthusiastically, hoping to set the feeling.

He just shrugged and followed behind me.

* * *

"Okay, Natsume, Jazelle-chan. I have something to say." I said smiling. Trying to get them to think it was something good.

I was trying not to cry, and so far I was doing good.

Oh, no, wait. They started coming out.

"Mi-chan, why are you crying? …and smiling?" Jazelle-chan asked.

I broke down. I couldn't hold it in. I couldn't smile, and I had to let my cries out. You'd think I'd be all out from crying all night.

I was starting to get a headache, and I still haven't told them yet. They're both still here, standing next to me, waiting for me to tell them the news.

I have to do this. C'mon Mikan. You're strong, remember? You have to be. For yourself, for your family, for you friends.

You can do this.

I got up and wiped my tears. "I promised I would be strong." I said out loud. I know I shouldn't be overreacting to this, but I'm just so sad that I have to leave my two best friends. "I'm moving."

Jazelle-chan started crying, and Natsume just got wide-eyed.

"I'm sorry for not telling you guys earlier…But I wanted to enjoy this day without you guys sad." I admitted.

Jazelle-chan gave me a hug. Natsume just stood there.

I sniffed. "Goodbye Jazelle-chan." I said sadly. "Goodbye Natsume."

"I'll miss you both."

* * *

**A/N: Wouldn't this be a good spot to just like, end this chappie? Haha. But I'm gonna go on. xD**

"WOW! It's so big!" I said in amazement.

"Yeah, sis, a lot bigger than the old house." My brother punched me in the shoulder.

"And a lot more room to hid for hide-and-seek!" I added. I love this place. I really do. But…I think I like our other house better. You can't blame me. I grew up in that very house. I even tried hard to remember our house number.

Now it doesn't matter. Because I won't be calling that house anymore. I won't need to. And nobody will be calling me in that house either.

That reminds me…

_I didn't get Jazelle-chan's or Natsume's number!_

Oh my gosh…I'm going to cry now. I'll never be able to see them or hear their voice again. What am I going to do now?

And here I was trying to cheer myself up by saying that I'll visit them sometime. How? I don't know where they live. And I can't ask either. I can't ask face to face or phone to phone!

I don't want to admit this. It hurts just to think about it.

But maybe it's time I just move on.

* * *

**After Summer

* * *

**

"Okay, Mikan-chan! I'm going to drop you off to school today!" My mom said happily.

"No daycare?" I asked.

"No daycare." She laughed. "Because you start earlier now, so I have time to drop you off." She gave a warm smile.

I squinted my eyes at her. "No daycare tomorrow, either." I clarified.

"Not tomorrow, not the day after that, not anymore." She answered.

"Okay!" I said, throwing my fist in the air. "Let's get to school!"

* * *

"Okay, class. My name is Mrs. Shurasaki and I will be your teacher for this whole year." She smiled. "Now, it's time we introduce each other."

We are sitting in our desks. We each have our own little one. I'm a little bit disappointed, because the tops don't open. It just has this lame hole in the front where you shove all your stuff into it.

I miss my old home. I miss my old school. I miss my friends back at home. I miss everything. I'm used to my new house. But I still don't like the feeling here in the new place. I liked it back home.

Suddenly, someone tapped my shoulder. "Your turn. What's your name?"

"Mikan. Mikan Sakura." I said plainly. I would normally try to sound enthusiastic but she's just staring down at me and it's making me feel a little bit uncomfortable.

Wow…I'm still depressed and the whole sad thing was 3 months ago. Yet it feels like it was just yesterday.

* * *

Like it was just yesterday I tried to act happy all day. Yesterday when I told Jazelle-chan and Natsume-kun that I was moving.

Yesterday when my life almost shattered into little pieces. Like someone took half of me away and said I can never have it back.

"Hey, little girl." A heard a voice say. I didn't feel like looking up at them.

"Who are you talking to." I asked to no one in particular. Until the voice answered back.

"I'm talking to you." The voice laughed.

The voice was a boy. I know for a fact because it didn't sound like a girl not one bit.

I sighed. "I don't feel like talking." I simply said. I just wasn't in the mood right now. I'll apologize sometime probably tomorrow. Or if I get out of this gloomy mood; later today.

"Why would that be?" He asked.

"Would you just leave me-" My eyes widened as I looked up at the boy.

"Natsume?"

* * *

**Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuun.**

**Chapter 2: COMPLETED!! HURRAH!! HURRAH!!**

**I hope you liked it :) Plz review! I would really like it if you did! Even a simple: good job.**

**Or: horrible**

**Or: update soon!**

**Or: whatever you want to put! Just review! xD**


	3. Me and Family

**Being Me**

**Da da!! I'm here with your delivery…umm…mam? mister? WAH! Whatever.**

**I'm here with your update ****people****! Chapter 3! Now, ENJOY!**

_**Chapter 3: Me and Family**_

"Hey." Was all he replied. I wanted to glare at him so hard but couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead, I gave him a tight hug.

"Natsume!" I sobbed. "How did you get here?" I asked, finally letting go and wiping off my tears.

He just shrugged. "Hn." I laughed and shook my head.

"You haven't changed a bit, Natsume."

* * *

"You know, Natsume…" I started.

"Hn."

"I'm really happy you came here. I'd be really lonely if you didn't come." I said as I looked up at the sky. Then I looked at him. "I hope we can always be best friends and be together." I said as I smiled. He looked back at me.

"Hn."

**O.o But these very sentimental moments did not last long…**

1st Grade

"Ne, ne, Natsume!" I sang.

"Hn."

"Can you tell Momo-chan that I have her necklace?"

"Hn."

2nd Grade

"Ne, ne, Natsume!" I sang.

"Hn."

"Can you tell Paika-chan to come over here for a second?"

"Hn."

3rd Grade

"Ne, ne, Natsume!" I sang.

"Hn."

"Tell Momo-chan that I demand a challenge on the monkey bars."

"Hn."

---***---***---

"Uwaa~! You and Natsume look so cute together!" Momo-chan screamed as she looked at the picture of me and Natsume doing a pose together. That was when we did a play and me and Natsume were partners. It was fun, and we had some good moments. Lenge-sensei always smiled at us and said she admired us for our great cooperation. Something like that. I don't really remember. I just remember a bunch of big words…

* * *

**At Home**

* * *

"Damnit! Just shut up! You're the one that needs to help around the house sometimes! I can't do all the work!" I heard my mom scream.

"I do a lot for this family!" My father snapped back. "I work for money! I pay the bills!"

"Yeah, well, so do I!" My mom replied. "In fact, I pay over half the bills! I drive all the way to the city, an hour away and work my ass off! You," She yelled. "You drive 10 minutes away to work lazily with your friends! You lazy piece of shit!" I winced. "And the jackass you are! YOU REJECTED A PROMOTION!" She screamed. "A GODDAMNED PROMOTION!" I could tell she was about to pull out her hair.

I stood frozen in my spot. My hand resting on the door knob, staring blankly at the floor. Why?

Why must my parents fight everyday?

* * *

I went to school that day looking like a zombie. I didn't get much sleep last night. I was up thinking about my parents.

They fight. I could easily say that they hate each other. But why would they get married then?

I viciously rubbed my head.

"Hey," I heard Natsume's voice say. I stopped scratching my hair and skin off my head and looked at him. "I'm surprised you're not bleeding." He laughed.

"Yeah," I simply replied and I walked away.

* * *

"AH! I can't take your uselessness anymore!" I heard my mom yell.

I'm up in my room on my bed, curled up in a ball, trying to block the sounds of the yelling. I went to my sister's room next door to see if she was listening but, not to my surprise, she was sleeping. I went to my brother's room, but I forgot he went to his friends house, so he didn't even have a clue they were fighting again.

"If you hate me so much, then why the hell did you marry me!?" I gave a gasp and my eyes widened.

Silence.

"Out of sympathy," My mind went blank. "And now I want a divorce." She said calmly.

How could you be so calm talking about such a thing?

_Out of sympathy. _

…_and now I want a divorce._

…_I want a divorce._

Why?

* * *

**Okay...yeah. It's really really really really really (x100000) short. And i'm sorry after such a long time... T^T I've been super busy and...a bunch of other stuff. anyways...PLZ DNT BE MAD AT ME!! well,**

**review :D**

**Ja ne!  
**


	4. Third Grade

**Being Me**

**Hey hey hey!! I sincerely apologize for this super duper long update…and I mean it. And I'm not just saying this as an excuse, but I really have been really really busy. School started back up, all my family members bdays are all cramped up in 3 months (starting December) so it's almost as if there's a party every 2 weeks…and then all this homework cramped up, projects, etc. Well, I'm sure most of you know how it is…**

**Anyways, **

**Disclaimer: Did you really think I owned this? Aww…I'm so pleased…but I don't.**

_**Chapter 4: Third Grade**_

I swear I didn't walk under a ladder, or saw a black cat, or ate more than one fortune cookie! So how could this bad luck come to me? Not mentioning it's life ruining bad luck. Luck so bad it tears one's life apart into tiny pieces, so small you would never be able to put them back together. Like a 2,000,000,000 piece puzzle put into a size so small, it'd take a lifetime to put them together.

Once my siblings and I finally got home, we immediately went to the table and started our homework. I wonder how it is to have homework everyday. I only have it once a week. Which I have the whole week to turn it in.

"Mama and Dad aren't gonna split up, are they?" I suddenly asked. My brother and sister looked at each other before they looked at me.

"No." Was all they said. How can they be so sure?

:-:

"Hello Natsume!" I sang. When I looked at him, though, I saw Momo-chan and Paika-chan standing next to him.

"What?" I suddenly asked in a weird tone.

"C'mon Natsume! Just tell her!" What are they saying?

"If you don't like to be bossed around, you gotta tell 'em right to their faces. Now c'mon. do it!"

So that's what it's all about. I waited for him to say it. I agreed though, if you don't want to be bossed around, then just say it. I suddenly felt guilty. I felt like a bossy brat that only thought of herself. All these years, from 1st grade to now, 3rd grade, I'd been telling Natsume what to do.

Once all I saw was Natsume just stare at me, I simply just walked away. As I did, "I promise not to tell you what to do anymore, sheesh."

I walked over to the basket, where all the play equipment was. I grabbed one of the bouncy balls, and went around asking people if they wanted to play dodgeball. Dodgeball wasn't allowed, but who cared? Obviously not the group of people that were playing with me right now.

"Ha! I got you!" I shouted and made a face. At the corner of my eye, I saw another ball get thrown at me. I quickly turned and caught it. "You're out!" I pointed.

"Yay! Mikan-chan! You won! …again!" They shouted. Everybody started laughing. I just scratched the back of my head.

"I guess so…" I said and with that, the bell rang, signaling the end of recess.

:-:

I went straight up to my room and started watching TV. Yes, I have a TV. It's a little small Hello Kitty TV that I got from Mama and Dad last Christmas.

Before I knew it, it was already dark outside. I heard Mama come back home, and I quickly ran downstairs.

"No!" I heard my sister scream. What now?

Tears filled my eyes and they soon came down as waterfalls. That was it, the papers for the divorce. I started hysterically crying on the stairs as I watched my brother and sister chase after my mom trying to rip the papers.

"It's okay, Mi-chan…it's just her work papers." I heard Dad say. It was? Then…my brother and sister just think it's the divorce papers…I see. It immediately brightened my mood. My tears never went away, but I'm not hysterically crying.

What if that day comes? What if my sister or brother successfully ripped the paper? Would Mama get it trouble? They would think it would be all over, and when she brings the actual divorce papers, the thought of them being the divorce papers would never cross their minds. And which Mama and Dad will sign, and be parting their ways.

I don't want that day to come, and when it does, I'll be the one to rip it up. I'll be the one to rip it into 2,000,000,000 pieces so small, it'd take a lifetime to put it back together. Just like my life.

:-:

I woke up the next morning, and as we walked to the bus stop, I had a smile on my face. "You know," I started. "The paper you guys tried to rip, was just Mama's work paper. That's what Dad told me." They both looked at me.

"I got a tiny rip at the top. But couldn't get more than that." Was what my brother said. Why won't they believe me?

:-:

Today, I was wearing a blue plaid skirt and knee high boots, with a white shirt and a black blazer over it, topped with a blue tie. Too bad today was the day we're doing PE. It won't be a problem, though. I'm the fastest runner in this class, and the most athletic. Well, except for Jo-kun. He was a tad faster in running than I am. I swear, he's cheating somehow.

"Okay, everybody! Let's head outside!" The teacher said. "Today, we're simply going to run around the blacktop." She said. Oh, well that's easy as pie.

:-:

It just so happened to be that Jo-kun is behind me, huh? He's a smart booty that thinks he's all cool just because he's faster than me.

"C'mon, run faster!" He shouted at me.

"Does it look like I can!?" I shouted back.

"Yes, it does!" Urg. I hate this guy.

I turned around and started running backwards. "Look, here _buddy_, I have some pretty slow people in front of me, and I can't do anything about it. So just shut up and keep jogging." I said icily.

Actually, I've _never _talked that way. He was just as shocked as I was. I turned back around and muttered, "Sorry."

:-:

I got my report card today. Once again, straight A's. Now I'll go home and show my parents these wonderful letters.

My mood was definitely happy. Natsume and I still played, I don't boss him around anymore, I still challenge Jo-chan to races, and my parents…

…well they haven't gotten any better, but so far, no divorce papers.

When I walked to the front door and went inside, _that _was when my life was crumpled up into a little ball and thrown all the way across the world.

"**Ahh!" My mom screamed. "Don't you dare push me around! Don't you have any respect for your wife!?"**

"**You're not my wife anymore. The papers were signed, the divorce is final. We're over." My dad replied.**

"**You can't just kick me out of the house!" She shouted back. "This is still my house too!" **

**But my dad had already thrown all her stuff out and slammed the door shut. **

I dropped my report card, and stood there blank and frozen. The whole incident was replaying in my head. Why…did this happen? Why…to me?

:-:

My parents have been going to court for quite some time now. Trying to get custody over us. At first, my sister was blaming everything on my mom, saying this whole thing was her fault. My brother just followed. I don't even think he knew what was going on anymore. I didn't take sides. How could I? I loved both people.

The sides have turned and now my sister has seen my mom's side of the story, and now hates my dad. And then comes following my brother. I, still, have not chosen a side. Like I said, how could I? They're both my parents, who nurtured me and took care of me. How could I hate one of them? They don't hate me, so why should I hate them?

Each day, I would inform Momo-chan about what was happening. I needed some way to get it out. But as each day went on, I found myself wanting to live with my mom more and more. I saw how bad my dad treated my mom. How my mom did things in a way that wouldn't hurt her kids or my dad. Why didn't she want to hurt my dad was beyond my mind. Maybe she was just being a good person.

"Mama," I cried. "Why did you have to divorce Dad?" She looked at me. "I really didn't want you guys to divorce…"

"Trust me, sweetie, as you grow older, you understand that you won't be able to see us together." Was all she said.

How can she say that? I want them to be together again. Not once in my life will I not be able to see them together. I've always seen them together, so how could I not? They were meant for each other. This divorce was screwing everything up. It was screwing with life itself.

:-:

I smiled and cried hysterically. I ran back to Momo-chan to inform her.

"Momo-chan!" I yelled. "…I'm going to live with my mom!" I said happily. Still, I can't hate Dad, but, I did not want to live with him any longer.

It was the last day of 3rd grade. But what I didn't know, was…

…it was the last day to see all my friends.

* * *

**Hey! I hope you guys liked this chapter…I'm sorry it's kinda short and all…but please review! I'd really appreciate it! Until next time, Being Me, chapter 5!**

**Hey guys! My birthday is coming up! The 28 of this month (January)! Yay!  
**


	5. Don't Let Me Forget

**Being Me**

**Thank you to all those who have reviewed this story, it gets me all tingly inside to know you guys like this story :) Anyways, enjoy this chapter! **

**Disclaimer: La la la la la la la la la~ What? What the-! No! I swear I didn't try to steal Gakuen Alice! YES! I promise! Okay! T^T …so I did! I take it back! I take it back~!**

_**Chapter 5: Don't Let Me Forget**_

"What? No!" I shouted. My friend, who is a bit bossy, I'll admit. …okay, she's VERY bossy. She's trying to get me to be a little bit like her. Aggressive, put yourself out there, and take no prisoners. Oh, and never let ANYONE tell you what to do. But, I already know that. For one thing, I have a 'I don't give a shit' attitude.

She said, if you want to play on the bar, you gotta kick the person on it off. I was a nice person, as long as you are nice to me. I was not the kind of person to bully. "C'mon, you wanna be like me, you gotta act like me. Now kick 'em off!" I glared at her. She wants me to act like her, then I'll give her a little bit of the 'don't let anybody tell you what to do' attitude.

"I said no. Now I'd like to see you try to tell me what to do again." I threatened. First of all, I never wanted to be like her. Second of all, I did NOT want anybody to boss me around. And third of all, I don't need a little brat like her, to tell me what to do.

She backed off a little bit, and dropped the conversation. To tell you the truth, I don't know when I got so cold. I was always happy, smiling even when I was sad, only brought down when I lost a friend, or mad only when someone tried to piss me off. I'm no kid anymore. I'm a 4th grader, old enough to take care of myself. But sometimes, I wish I had somebody who cared a lot for me. Someone I could run to whenever I was down and just cry my heart out. But like I said, I'm old enough to take care of myself. I don't need anybody like that, I only want it. And I have to let go of that want, if I want to take care of myself. I can't rely on other people.

I walked away towards the basketball courts. I grabbed a basketball and gathered a few people to play a game.

"Back court violation!" I yelled. But nobody listened. So, I took the privilege to walk over and snatch the ball away. "I said, back court violation." I said again. Nobody questioned, because they all knew I was right. I always had to tell them things. How could they play basketball, when they don't know half the rules? That's a question to think about.

I passed it back out to my teammate, and they passed it back to me. I dribbled down slowly, making sure it was less than 10 seconds to get over the line, but long enough so my team could get into position. I passed it to the wing, cut in, then cut back out. The forward, spun out to the 3 point line, popped back into the key, which my wing quickly passed it to them and they shot it. Swish.

RIIIIIIIIING! The bell rung as a signal that it was the end of recess. "Alright, we won! …again!" My teammate shouted. I sighed. This school is booooring.

:-:

When I got home, my mom came up to me. "Honey," she started. What now? "You're going to transfer to Gakuen Alice. You'll be going starting Wednesday, so you'll have tomorrow as your last day. I thought it would be best to have one more day at your school now, so you can pack you stuff and say goodbyes. They had suggested you start tomorrow, but I said no." I felt sad, and happy. Sad, because I'd once again be moving schools, and leaving friends, happy, because I'll be going to a brand new school, Gakuen Alice, the most prestigious school in Japan. I wonder why. Bad thing is, I'll be transferring in the middle of the school year.

I went up to my room, and crashed on my bed.

I forgot…that I'd never be able to see my old friends again. That I'd leave them behind. Will they ever forget me? Will I ever forget them? I doubt it. In the corner of my eye, I saw the yearbook of 3rd grade, and another one of 2nd grade. I squinted at them, walked over and threw it in my closet, aka, _the _black hole. If they can never see me, I can never see them. Not in real life, or a picture. I don't want to see them. They'll make me sad and vulnerable.

:-:

I went to school the next day, and bid my farewells. I didn't really have any true friends in this school. So they won't really matter. What happened, was when I got home. "Mikan, honey!" My mom came around the corner, with a man. "Yuki and I will be getting married." She announced. _Married_?

"Congrats." I said in monotone. And simply walked away. Nobody can replace my dad. _Nobody_. Not in this world, not in any. I can't believe that that man thinks he could replace him. Nobody can. Not him. I hate him. I can feel it in my chest. It's not something you should feel when you like somebody. …It's _hate_.

:-:

I went to school that day, a totally different person from then someone who has known me since I was a little girl. I wasn't warm hearted. I didn't care. If you wanted to be my friend, you had to prove you could be.

"Hello, my name is Ruka Nogi, and this is my friend, Hotaru. We'd like to be your friend." He introduced. Hn. Ruka, and Hotaru.

"Mikan." I simply said. "But I won't be your friend so easily-" All of a sudden I felt some kind of gun at my head.

"We don't care. If we want to be your friend, we will be. Got that?" It was Hotaru. I smirked.

"Alright then." But after I said that, I felt an enormous amount of pain on the side of my head, and realized I was on the ground. She…shot…me. I twitched. "What was that for!?" I screamed.

"I just thought I should test my baka gun 3000 on you." She said as she blew the smoke away that was coming out of where the bullet comes out. I growled. "Good doggy." She smirked. Evil piece of crap.

"Calm down, Hotaru." I heard Ruka say. Thank you, Ruka. At least _somebody _cared.

:-:

3 years have gone by, and it's already 7th grade. Hotaru, Ruka, and I are still best friends. I have lightened up a bit, I'll tell you that. But only to them. Nobody else.

I have straight A's, and in soccer. Competitive, too. I'm going to go out for the intramural girl's basketball team, since it's the only 7th grade team left. Hotaru and Ruka always come to see me play. Well, Hotaru because she's on the team with me, and Ruka because, well, he's our best friend.

I always think about it. What would I do if I weren't their friend? Would I be who I am? Would I be doing what I'm doing? Would I be as happy as I am now? I always ask myself those questions. And then continue through the day, enjoying it while it's there.

It's almost as if I live in darkness. Like I'm always alone, closed off from the rest of the world. Like once in a while, Hotaru and Ruka come to pull me out and let me see the light. To let me know it's still there. But is it really? Is it still there? Are they just cheating me? Filling me with a false hope? But every time they pull me out there to see it, it gives me joy. It fills my heart with happiness, seeing the light. Knowing that both of them are able to live in such a world. To know they're safe. _To know that I have friends_. Friends that actually care about me. Then once the darkness feels I've had my share of light, it sucks me back in.

Once in a while, I have these absurd thoughts. I start to think: I wish somebody cute and kind liked me. Somebody who cared for me, other than Ruka and Hotaru, somebody I could finally rely on, and they'd be happy I relied on them. The perfect man, that God didn't think to create for each and every person. Because he felt that each person should take a journey through life, experience what only you can, and create your own perfect soul mate. You can't wish upon a star and have them grant you a person that fits your interests. You can't be too picky on who your meant to be with. Fate does what it does best, and it leads you to the one you'll fit best with. They will have flaws, just like you do. They won't be everything you've ever hoped for, but they will care for you. They will do what _they _do best, _love you_. And that's all you'll ever need. And once that happens, you'll know, that they're all you could ever ask for.

But sometimes, I think about going back to see him. Natsume. I would like to see how he's doing, what he looks like. But that was a whole 6 years ago. Once day I will. I'll go back to see him. Everybody else too. But they probably won't even remember me. But even if they don't remember me, please, don't let me forget them.

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**Okay! That's it! Chapter 5! Yeah, these chapters are getting shorter and shorter every time…sorry about that. But I get lazy…haha. And I just want to get to the point. But then I know it'll disappoint you guys, leaving you saying: What the heck! A 2 paragraph chapter! STUPID! **

**So yeah…I try to get as much as I can in there…taking a break every…2…minutes…**

**OKAY! Just be happy I updated!! Hehe…and review!**


	6. True Colors

**Being Me**

**Okay, so I realized how awful my last chapter was so here I am to make up for it. I hope you guys still like this story, because I truly did put a lot into it…even though I'm really taking my precious time writing it xD …okay I apologize…so I hope you like this chapter, and review please!**

**Disclaimer: Fishy~ Fishy~ Fishy~ OH! Sorry. I don't own Gakuen Alice or its characters, just the plot. Hehe.**

_**Chapter 6: True Colors**_

How was it that I ended up this way? Oh yeah, my parents got a divorce. And it didn't screw with life. It didn't screw with anything but me. And it's because I let it. All because I couldn't face the truth that my parents were splitting up. Why was it so hard to accept that fact? My mom was right. I can't see my mom and dad together anymore. Now what fills my mind, is why they even bothered to get married, the complete opposites. Mama always said, "I married him out of sympathy," and we all laughed. My dad was such a game freak, a nerd. Clueless about life and only familiar with the fantasy worlds of the online games. No, dad, there aren't any elves and mages in the real world. Nobody cares. "The best thing I got out of him, was you guys." She concluded. She said she was happy she married him, because she got us. It always made me happy.

But the thing is, why aren't I how I used to be, then? If my mom is funnier than heck, and I have cool siblings? Well, let's think about that.

* * *

**5****th**** Grade**

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This is going to be another easy year. Why don't I just skip a grade? This stuff is too easy. But then, I will be the youngest out of everybody, and I'll feel lost. So I just kicked that idea off of the face of the earth. My teacher's name is Vierra-sensei, apparently. I also heard that he's colorblind! That's not something you hear everyday.

"When you write your final drafts in your essays, I don't want them typed. I want them hand written, in _blue _pen." He added to his introduction speech. What a stupid head. 'Blue' pen. Why not red? Black? Purple? Yeah, sure, my favorite color is blue, but hand writing my essays are going to be a pain.

"Why can't we type it? Or just in a regular black pen?" A kid asked. Well, there, kid, maybe if you were to just wait 2 seconds he would tell you.

"Because I'm colorblind, and blue is the only color I can see." So you're colorblind, but you can see blue? Oooookay.

:-:

"It's your dad's weekend again." My mom frowned. Whatever. Like I cared. I didn't mind going to my dad's. It was like my weekend off of things. Unlike with my mom, it's 'oh let's go here, and here, and ooooh, here too'. With my dad, it's like, 'Hey if you wanna do something, holler'. Simple. Then I could sit back, relax, and do nothing.

"Are they coming?" I asked, pointing to my brother and sister. I never told you their names, did I? My sister, who's 6 years older than I am, is Mai. We're supposed to say 'Mai-Onee-chan', but my mom said it's okay, we don't have to if we don't want. Which we all agreed it's weird. So we just call each other by the name. My brother, who's 3 years older than I am, is Brandon. My mom got it off of an American TV show. Weird, I know.

"Not your sister. I don't know about your brother." She responded. I sighed. I doubt it, then. He never comes anymore.

You see, just last year during the summer, we moved to my new 'Step Dad's house. He used to be my mom's boss when she worked. My mom used to live in a rental house, which was where me and my siblings started out living in. But then, you know, the whole romance crap took place between my mom and her ex-boss. Then, without even marrying each other, we moved into his house and lived there. His house was HUGE. I'm not exaggerating: It looked EXACTLY like a castle. My sister's room even had a balcony that made her look like Repunzle (A/N: Sorry if I spelled it wrong). We'd joke around and yell at her to drop her hair down for 'Prince Charming' to climb up. Now that I think about it, don't you think that'd hurt like heck to have someone climbing up your hair like a ladder or something? I'd send my so called 'Prince Charming' up the stairs. If he can't simply do that, then obviously he's not my 'Prince Charming'.

Sadly, we are currently in a different house. I loved that old house, a lot. But we live in a same sized house, but not as tall. More wider. No more balconies, though. What makes up for it, is a HUGE lawn. It even has a lake with a fountain in the middle of it. It's beautiful, I will admit. And, we have quads to ride on, that's how big it is. …And we have golf carts to drive. It's awesome. There's also trees all over the place, so it adds to it as an obstacle course.

Basically, I'm rich. I don't like saying it like that. It makes it sound like I'm some rich bitch. I apologize for the bad language. But, that's the best I can describe it as. It's exactly how I saw it. Oh, may I use an example? Like, this one girl, Ja. I'd call her Ja-chan, like everybody else, but, I despise her, actually I loath her. She's mean, and rich. I actually don't even know that, but she sure acts like she is. One time, she had a friend, Ama-chan, who was also my friend. She's nice, and I invited her to my house. Which I had trusted her to keep it a secret. When she told Ja that she went to my house, she said, "_Mikan's _house?" As if I was the most filthy and disgusting person in the world, basically saying, "Why the heck would anybody want to go to _her _house?"

:-:

My siblings love to tease me. I hate it when they do it, we always fight after. Brandon, is the one that loves to piss me off. He calls me foul words such as, quote, "bitch". I hate it. Every time, I want to just smack him in the face. Who the heck calls their little sisters a B-I-T-C-H? Last time I checked, I was human, not some girl dog.

My mom had me join basketball, which, I admit, love. I just started playing basketball last year, never played a sport in my life before that. But, I have realized, I am one heck of an athlete. But, of course, I don't say that to people because that would be bragging.

One thing I hate about people: Chewing with their mouths open. My family never did that. It's considered rude and unmannered. Nobody likes to see the food in people's mouths. And, of course, with the chewing with the mouth open, comes with the smacking of the lips. Last time I checked, back in my home town, I was eating with people, not pigs.

Second thing: They're all rude. No manners, nobody is polite. I've especially noticed when we're driving in the car. People nowadays don't say thank you anymore when you let them in your lane, or something like that. It pisses me off. It makes me want to rewind time and not bother to let them go, like everybody else did. Which leads me to the third reason.

Third reason: People like to pretend you don't exist. They don't look at you, they don't listen to you, notta. As if they're trying to send you some secret message, saying, "Why did God even bother to create you? I'm the only one that matters." Tch. Selfish people.

:-:

I petted my dog. Yes, I now have a dog. When I first heard I was able to get a dog, I almost fainted. I've literally always wanted a dog. They we could have a black one, a brown one, and a cream one. Mai spoke first. "I call the brown one!" She laughed, "I'll call it Skippey. I want it to be a girl, Mom." She added. I chuckled. Skippey. That's a peanut butter brand. And peanut butter is the color of her fur. Haha -.-

"I want the black one." I blurted out. My brother looked at me. Here it comes.

"No, I want the black one!" Can't he just grow up already?

"What's wrong with the cream?" I stared at him. He stared at me back.

"Well then why don't you get the cream one?" He asked back. Dork.

"Cuz I want the black one." I said simply. He sweat dropped.

"Well, no. I want the black one, and it's final!" He screamed at me.

"Just grow up already! Shoot, man! It's annoying how you act everyday! Just shut up and take the gosh dang cream one!"

"Look, mom! She told me to shutup!" He punched me in the leg. I punched him in the leg too. He punched me in the leg again. I punched him in the arm.

"If you make me go any higher, it'll get to your face." I glared.

"Hey!" Mama shouted. "Don't talk like that." I rolled my eyes. "Don't roll your eyes at me!" How'd she know? She's not even looking at me.

"Fine. I'll take the cream one." I gave in.

"No, I want it." I swear, if I wasn't in a car, I'd fall off the seat. But that's pretty much impossible with this stupid seat belt.

"THEN HAVE IT!" I nearly screamed, and flailed my arms in the air.

When we finally got the dogs, I had just named mine Blackie. My brother named his Rocky, and my sister, well, we already know. They're all American names.

Skippey was very energetic. We had bought toys and brought it with us, and she was playing with the rope. My brother's dog was sitting upright, as if he was some kind of dog model. My dog…however…was laying on my lap, not moving. His eyes were open, he just didn't move.

"Are you sure he's going to live?" Mama doubted.

"Mama!" I scolded her.

"Sorry." She apologized. How could they say that? Although, I had thought the same thing.

Turns out, he was just fine. In fact, we have learned that he has a VERY weak stomach. Which makes it hard to take him anywhere. Actually, now, he's the most energetic out of all of them. He chases the ball, running his very fastest (which is really fast, I must add) no matter if it's 2 feet away, or 500 meters away. No matter where it was, he could get it. Whether it was in a lake, or in a tree. Skippey is now the laziest dog to ever walk the earth, and, Rocky, he just kinda got stupid.

We had all trained our dogs. Even to sit, lay down, shake, and come. When we say come, he'll sit. When we say sit, he lays down, and we say to shake, he looks at you like, "You expect _me _to actually _shake _your hand?" That is, unless you give him a treat.

* * *

**6****th**** Grade**

* * *

"BOO!" I shouted jokingly as I approached Hotaru and Ruka. "Ne, ne! Let's go on the swings!" Yes, our elementary school had swings and I loved them.

"Can't," Hotaru started. "Well, you can't, actually. Ruka and I can. You have to go and practice your magic trick, remember?" Oh yeah…see, our class is doing this magic show. My magic trick consists of 3 people. It's the one where one person goes in this box thingymajigger, which is my part, and the other two stick spears through it. I can't tell you what happens because I promised not to tell a soul on this earth. And that includes you.

I walked over to the classroom and met up with my group-mates. We practiced until our recess ended. It's really fun, if you ask me. Because it amazes everybody and they always ask how we do it, and I love not being able to tell them. It kills them, I can see it. It's cool because not even my group-mates know how I do it in that little box. Yeah, I wasn't supposed to tell them either.

:-:

Ah, yes. Valentines Day. Probably my most hated holiday of the year. Yupp. I'm not one for lovey dovey holidays. My favorite is Thanksgiving. I love Thanksgiving. I love the fall. I don't like summer because it's too hot, and don't like winter because it's too cold, and I don't like spring because it's the season to get sick. I love fall. And I love the colors. And not I'm getting into that 'lovey dovey' state. Ugh. It creeps me out.

Just like how my mom and step dad keep saying I've grown up and am really attractive. And they keep asking me if anybody likes me. The obvious answer: no. I shall admit it, I am quite a nerd. I have straight A's, wear glasses, but they're not the nerdy glasses, just the fact that I have glasses adds to the nerdiness. If that's even a word, and have that kind of, quite and shy attitude. Well, more of the 'I don't give a shit about anything' attitude. I don't have a guy, although I do have some guys that like me: And they're actually a nerd. And when I say that, I mean it. I mean, I don't want a popular guy, because they're too stuck up and they're all man ho's. I mean, if I were to count how many people they've gone out with, I would have lost track a LONG time ago. So I'll keep with the regular people. Someone like me. Just regular.

Okay, so I'm rich. But I don't act like it. I like to keep it a secret, but it's hard when people come up to you and say, "I know where you live. You're house is HUGE!" And they don't mean it like a stalker-type thing. It's just like they just so happened to be behind me on my way home and saw where I lived.

At least I hope that's what happened. But then again, nobody would want to stalk me, so I'm all good.

But enough about my school life, we all know that's boring as he…heck. Yupp. Heck. I was totally going to say that. Pssh, what did you think I was going to say? Whatever.

Anyways, so far, my real dad has been getting crazier and crazier by the minute. He keeps nagging on me about not going over on his weekends anymore, when CLEARLY I don't have the time. I'm in soccer for goodness sakes! And when you have a tournament every other weekend (Which coincidentally happened to be on all his weekends…cough…cough…) it's kinda hard. I mean, really, waking up at 6:30 in the morning, when the game is 10 minutes away from my mom's house, since we have to be there an hour before the actual game, it'll be a pain in the butt to have to wake up even earlier an hour away. See, my dad lives an hour away from my mom, so going to his house and waking up at 5:30 in the morning is a total NO. There's no way that's going to happen.

But he keeps insisting. He even called the cops on my mom! For, "denying him from seeing the kids". What is that all about!? My siblings and I had to write our own letters explaining to the court why our dad is such a bad parent. Let's go over the reasons shall we?

He doesn't communicate with us whatsoever

He treats us like crap when we stay over at his house

All he does is play his online video games

He doesn't even buy us presents when it's Christmas or our Birthday

Oh, but he gives our cousins money

He lives at his mom's house

Which leaves us with no bed, no room, no privacy, nada

Oh, and that's just the start of the list. But he keeps insisting he has us over. It's all for the money. The dough. The mullah. He doesn't care about us. It's just to look good. To say that he's keeping his end of the deal and taking care of us on his weekends. Ha. Sike. As. If. Our poor grandma does more work than he does! He pisses me off. Then again, a lot of things piss me off. But I have to admit, nothing pisses me off as much as him.

* * *

All this crap goes on in my life. My parents call me antisocial, but they never give me the chance to talk. They say I make smart remarks and am a smart ass, but I wonder how I became like that. I'm called a bitch, a pain in the ass, a nerd, a person that has an accusing sarcasm. That pisses me off, too. Which is why I'm never happy around them.

The only true joy I get these days, is with Ruka and Hotaru. They see a side of me nobody else does. Which is why I don't care what other people say about me. They don't know anything about me, so why should I care. The sad thing is, not even my own siblings know me.

I've already shut my happy-go-lucky self out. It's no longer there. Sometimes, I wonder, what exactly is my true self? Am I _really _happy and bubbly? Am I a cold person with a dry sense of humor and sarcasm? If all these unfortunate events happened in my life, would I be bubbly? Would I still have turned out how I am now? What is my true personality? What are my true colors?

I guess the only person that actually saw the true me…

…was Natsume.

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**Okay! Chapter 6! I hope you guys liked it...if not...then I'm truly sorry. I know! I can't keep my promises! So much for the, 'Don't worry, it'll get better' crap. That obviously hasn't happened yet. Sorry for the late update too...**

**And for those who reviewed, thanks so much! I really really enjoy reading reviews :) I love 'em. Haha. Anyways, just to satisfy some of those people who asked (I think someone asked...or just commented about it. I'm not sure...Haha.) Mikan will not forever be depressed and lonely and...dark. I dunno. But she'll be like that for quite some time. Sorry :( But all those confusing questions about herself and how she's so confused with her life will be answered. So no worries. Everything will work out. Just keep reading xD**

**And review! PLEASE!! **


	7. My Trip to the Past

**Being Me**

**Oh geez…I know, I know. It's been FOREVER since I've updated. My computer broke…literally. So, I'm on my bro's computer :) He's at tennis practice, so he won't know…haha. Shhhhh! Well, I know I need to lighten the mood cuz she sounds emo…but it'll all change. I've decided to put in some major events!! Hahaha. Now…is the moment you've ALL been waiting for!! Dun dun duuuun…**

**(Insert Disclaimer here) Haha. I almost forgot!! I don't own Gakuen Alice, not now, not ever. Now even back then. …just kidding. That was lame.**

_**Chapter 7: My Trip to the Past**_

FLASHBACK!!! (Yeah, I decided to put this since I've updated so late…it happens to me, because I forgot what happened…so I have to check back to the last chapter…yeah…you know what I mean :P)

_I've already shut my happy-go-lucky self out. It's no longer there. Sometimes, I wonder, what exactly is my true self? Am I __really __happy and bubbly? Am I a cold person with a dry sense of humor and sarcasm? If all these unfortunate events happened in my life, would I be bubbly? Would I still have turned out how I am now? What is my true personality? What are my true colors?_

_I guess the only person that actually saw the true me…_

…_was Natsume._

And that's the end of: FLASHBACK!!! Hahaha. I'm in a real happy mood today…I don't know why…Anyways…Back to the story.

_**Chapter 7: My Trip to the Past …again.**_

**(A/N: Ahem. I am really sorry for my little side notes…hahaha. But this one is important!! We've skipped a few years to the future…Yes, there's a big gap but it'll be filled in throughout the story. So just keep reading…thanks!!)**

"Ne, Hotaru, how does it feel having a boyfriend?" I asked her. She sighed.

"Seriously Mikan, this is probably the…let me count. 16th time TODAY." She glared at me. I looked at her nervously…Okay, maybe it _was _the 16th, possibly 17th, time I've asked her that question, but still. It's nice to know. Once in a while. Maybe. Possibly. Okay. I need to stop with my ranting.

We are currently at lunch. Ruka, aka Hotaru's boyfriend/slave, is buying her crab brains. I shivered at the thought. Crab _brains_. I mean, not even the _name_ sounds or looks appetizing. Just the thought of eating brains gets me on the nauseous side. Hotaru peeked at me.

"What's wrong?" She asked me, but her eyes didn't really show like she cared much…-sigh-

"Nothing…just thinking about you and your…crab…brains…" I muttered. She glared at me.

"What did they ever do to you? Geez, they're good. You should try them." Hotaru suggested, just as Ruka came to the table and set them down in front of her. I stared at them for a long time. My face paled and immediately sat up.

"I think…I'm going to go to the bathroom." I said and rushed off. I saw them both look at each other and shrug. I sighed yet again as I put on a serious face and walked towards the bathroom.

I've definitely changed. A lot, in the past…6 years? Yeah. Six. I remember being in seventh grade…now I'm a senior in high school. I'd say, if I hadn't met Hotaru or Ruka, I would have shut myself from the whole world. I've open up quite a bit. Well, to my close friends. Normally I just kind of give this serious attitude on when I'm not around them to keep people away. I'm not the social type. But I am really funny, according to my friends. The past few years have been the same as usual. Nothing really happened. I told my family off. Yeah…about that…haha, it's kind of funny, actually.

See what happened, was I was just sitting in my room, as usual. I don't talk to them much, I just kind of, hang out in my room and do my own thing. But that's just the thing. They always come barging in my room, all pissed off for no reason, really. Saying things like, "You're so antisocial, you don't even talk to your own family!" or "You can at least talk to us _once_ in this lifetime!" I normally just ignore it, saying in my mind: It's not like they know anything. They think they do, but in reality, they don't. They say I'm antisocial. They say I'm a brat. I don't care. Neither do they. They just make it seem like they do. And so I told them. I told them _everything_. From how I felt, why, and how they need to fix it. I didn't care what they said, as long as they got my point. They apologized. Which surprised me, being the youngest. But, I was grounded for a week for yelling at them. Laaame.

But hey, now they understand me. And they, too, think I'm funny. They say I don't talk much, but whenever I do, it makes them laugh.

I walked into the bathroom, and looked into the mirror. I didn't really feel sick anymore…I just kind of enjoyed my walk here. I decided to start to walk back to the lunch room.

To tell you the truth, I've been thinking. Hard. Well, let me start off telling you about my career. My parents have encouraged me, and said that I would be great. Well, I had my mind dead set on being an Optometrist, and still am going to be. And then my step-dad, who I've come to love much more than my real dad, said to become an author. He said he loves everything I write. Well, every time I write something, he'll somehow manage to find it and then read it…which then he proceeded to say that authors make a "gazillion" dollars off of one book. Clear exaggeration there. But truth be told, if the book is really good, you probably can make a, quote, _gazillion_ dollars.

But that's not the point. I'm going to college to become an Optometrist and an Author. Okay, that's great. But I've decided that the summer before I go, I'll move in, and then I'm going to make a little trip.

A trip to the past.

I'm going to take a little vacation back to my old home. Where Natsume and Jazelle-chan are. I have no idea if they're there or not, actually. They could very well also be off to college, they could've moved. I don't know. Anything is possible, really. But I want to try. These past years I've tried to move on, it hasn't been happening. I think about them every night. All day, even when I go and have the best time of my life with Hotaru and Ruka I still think about them. Or shall I say…him.

Natsume.

I always have that piece of regret in my stomach whenever I think about him. How could I have missed it? He liked me. Yes, I spent so much time thinking about all of our good times together, I've picked it out. All the things he's done, for me, especially, he liked me. That's why he always stuck by me, everything. I was just too blind to see it. What makes me sad, is that I remember his sad face every time I saw him. And I know the answer. It was me. I made him sad. He liked me, but never told me. He waited patiently for me, one day, he probably thought, I would come to know I liked him too. But I never did. I was such a bossy little brat. All I did was tell him what to do. He was tired of it, yes. I saw that. My friends even took him to me and tried to get him to tell me. But he couldn't do it. _Because he liked me._ I slapped my forehead. I must look like an idiot, slapping myself in the middle of nowhere while walking back to the cafeteria. Frankly, I don't care.

But the reason why I slapped myself, was not because I figured out he liked me, but because I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot because…well, because I think I like him now. Yes, I admit it. I think I like him. Even though it's been a decade (not really) since I've seen or heard him, I think I like him. I really am such an idiot. For liking a friend/slave of the past. All I have is a distant thought of him, in which he probably doesn't even remember me. Heck, for all I know, he could probably be going out with a billion girls, and I would never cross his mind. He could be a man ho. And I still would like him. …Probably.

I walked into the cafeteria and sat back down next to Hotaru, who had probably 20 bowls all stacked up, on bowl number 21, filled with crab brains. Ruka was sitting patiently next to her.

I think I'm going to be sick again.

* * *

I stared at the large building. College. I turned back to my mom and dad, since my siblings were still at their college, and gave them goodbye hugs. They knew I was going to go and visit the old home. And they were a little bit worried.

"Honey, you know it's not going to be the same as you remember it as." My mom told me. I knew. But I still wanted to go back. Even if I see them, but don't ever talk to them, I wouldn't care. I just want to see them once. Once, and then I can move on.

"Are you sure? You never know…" My step dad started and nudged me with his elbow. "You really have grown, Mikan. You're pretty now. Anything can happen." I gave him a light punch on the elbow.

"You exaggerate a lot." I sighed. Will he ever change?

I watched as they left and gave one last goodbye. I picked up my bags and proceeded to find my dorm. Once I get all my stuff all settled in, then I would take one of my little bags, pack it up with whatever I would need for a few days, and then leave. School didn't start until a while. It was, in fact, still the beginning of summer. I was surprised they even let me settle in so early. But hey, the earlier the better.

* * *

I once again took a look at the large building. It took 5 long hours to get everything situated. I still have to clean the bathroom and get the bed fixed up. But I'll do it once I get back. I sighed once again. It's my first time going somewhere far on my own. Truth be told, I was scared. Anything really could happen. And I knew that. But I still wanted to go. I didn't even think I'd see them.

I checked to make sure if I had everything. Clothes, phone, iPod (For entertainment!), bathroom stuff, and money. Money was a biggy. If I didn't have money, I wouldn't be able to stay at a hotel, I wouldn't have food, and I wouldn't be able to get back. And THAT, would be a major problem. But I had a credit card just in case I ran out of money, and I'd have to worry about paying it off later.

I started to get nervous as I walked to my car. Well, on the bright side, my car didn't sink down like it did before I emptied it of all my stuff. Yes, I had so much stuff, that I had to have my parents come and help me bring the other half. Yupp, the other _half_. Which is why it took me so long to get everything situated.

My mind shifted back to my current situation. My hands started getting sweaty again. Here goes. My long trip back to my hometown.

* * *

I finally arrived at the hotel and parked my car. They got everything all situated and I got my room number. I collapsed on my bed and groaned. What a long day. I sighed and stayed silent for a few minutes.

I sat up on my bed and looked out the window. What am I going to do? Where am I going to start? I stared at my phone. Maybe I should call Hotaru.

We all go to the same college. Hotaru, Ruka, and me. They, too, knew about my little trip to my hometown. As I kept staring at my phone, I decided to screw it. I'll just take a walk.

I took in the fresh air. It felt good to be home. But at the same time, it really didn't. I don't really know why, so I'm not going to go into further detail about it. I smiled as I looked around and remembered things. Before I knew it, I was at my old elementary school. I roamed the halls and then found myself at my Kindergarten classroom. I sighed, I knew I shouldn't be doing this, but nobody was here, right? Nothing could happen. I took a peek inside and walked in. I turned the lights on and looked around. I went to the back, and looked at the wall.

There was a picture of Natsume and me. After all these years, and there's still a picture of Natsume and me. I smiled and touched it. I could feel the tears threatening to come out of my eyes. I looked away. I'm too sensitive. I walked back towards the door. I took one last glance at the classroom, and then turned off the lights and left. Honestly, I don't even know how I remembered where my classroom was. Just a hunch, I guess. I walked towards the playground and sat on a swing. I started swinging a little bit when I heard something.

"Hello?" I looked around. Then a few guys came out.

"Hey pretty lady, what are you doing at an elementary school? You should come with us." One of them said. You have got to be kidding me. Seriously!? I mean out of all things that happens, _this_ happens to _me_? What luck I have in this life. I continued to swing. It's not like I'm going to run. I'm not scared. …Okay, maybe I am. But what's the point in running when they'll probably catch you anyway? I mean really, there's a fence around this stupid school.

"Are you listening to us!?" One of the other guys screamed. I stopped swinging.

"Yes, I am, actually." I said. I didn't take any karate lessons or anything. Boxing, nothing. And I'm not trying to be a bad ass just to try and act like one. I just…

I'm not a little girl. And just because I _am _a girl, doesn't mean I'm powerless. No, I've never been in a fight before. And this one-on-three thing probably won't turn out well. But I'm not a wimp. I can try. Although I probably won't succeed…

Oh well. Like I said, I'm not a little girl. But might as well get as much out of it as I can. Sigh. I looked up at the sky. Why me? I've asked this many times in my life. I shook my head and looked over to the group. They weren't muscle men, but they weren't toothpicks either. I got out of the swing. One of them laughed.

"Hey guys, she's giving in to us. She must be a whore." A vein popped out of my head. I may be a lot of things, but I am certainly _not _a whore. I raised my fist. Giving in to this bastards was last on my list! One guy backed away.

"Hey! You son of a bitch! Don't back away! She wants a fight, then we'll give it to her!" One guy yelled. He pulled out a gun. My heart was beating faster than ever, and my hands started to sweat again. I was panicking. I've never been in a fight before! No less has a gun been pointed at me! That was, until I looked closer at it.

"Is that…a water gun?" I asked. Oh my goodness. It looked real, from afar. But when you get a closer look at it, it's missing parts that a real gun would have. For instance, that safety cock thing. I sort of forgot what it's called…but it didn't have one. It was missing a lot of other things too.

"H-How'd you know!?" He growled. "Fine! If you want a fight, we'll give you a real one. Fist to fist!" He dropped the gun and started walking, quite fast I might add, towards me. I froze, for a second, and couldn't move. Surely, you can't be serious. (Yes, I'm sure, and don't call me Shirley. Haha. I'm so sorry! I simpley HAD to get that in!) Then I snapped back into reality. I had to do something. I can't just stand here and let him beat me up, and then take me to some unknown place and do…_things_.

I was prepared…sort of. He finally was face to face with me, and gave me one, hard, glare. I stepped back. He made the first move.

And I barely dodged it. I mentally squealed. I have to admit, even though I am in a situation for my life, I was really happy for my dodge. I didn't think I had the talent! I kicked him from beneath the feet.

But he dodged it too. Crap. Oooh, I'm in big trouble now! I quickly sat up and tried a swift punch to the face. Success!! I'd make a squeal of delight if I wasn't in danger FOR MY LIFE. He staggered back a little bit and felt his nose. Blood. Wow, didn't know I could do that either.

"Tch. You could've punched me hard that time, but you won't be so lucky this time! You've really done it little girl!" I froze. For real this time. I was scared. Really, really scared. I saw it coming. His face was scrunched into unimaginable hate and madness, ready to beat the shit outta me. He threw a punch to my face and I closed my eyes, prepared to feel the pain.

But it never came. I opened my eyes, and saw a hand that held the other guy's wrist, preventing it from hitting my face. My eyes widened. I hesitated to look at the person who did this, but looked out of curiosity.

Raven hair, crimson eyes, brown skin. I know this person. Yes, I know this person very well.

"Natsume…" I whispered. What luck I had. …For once.

**So…How'd you guys like it? I'm sorry it took so long to get this out…She finally met Natsume! The one she 'likes'. Haha. The quotes really shouldn't be there…**

**Well, please review!! Pwetty pwetty pwetty pwease!!**

**Thanks! Ciao~!**


	8. What Happened?

**OH M FREAKIN GOSH! …I think I just lost all the people that liked this story T_T I'M SO SORRY EVERYBODY FOR THE WAIT! And I don't even have a legit reason this time. Hahaha. I'm sorry. I was reading a really awesome manga and it had a lot of chapters, and then one of the posts recommended another really awesome manga and I read it and it really was, and then THAT one recommended another awesome one and I read it, and then THAT one recommended about 2 or 3, and then I was about to read it but then I was like, "OH NO! MY FANFIC!" and then I kinda started shouting very colorful words…**

**But anyways! I'm sorry and I know that was probably the lamest reason you've ever seen out of this whole entire freakin' website :l But here's the next chapter?**

**Disclaimer: Hm? What was that? I own Gakuen Alice? Haha! Yes, of course! In my dreams :)**

_**Chapter 8: What Happened?**_

"Tch. You're an idiot. Do you even have a brain?"

What? Since when did Natsume become this cold? Guess I really missed a lot, huh? I looked down at my hands. I told him about me growing up and meeting my friends Hotaru and Ruka, and how I decided to come back here by myself when I got into college.

"I really missed a lot, didn't I? Moving around so much…And I also…" I paused. Just thinking about it hurts. And since when was I this soft with some guy I haven't seen in years! Then again…it's Natsume. So what can I do?

"Also what?" He asked me. We are currently sitting on a park that was a few minutes away by foot from my first elementary school. Then a thought hit me.

"…I really miss Jazelle-chan." I finished quickly. But then immediately feeling guilty about it because it sounded like I was brushing her off when I was just about to cry a few seconds before. "But...Natsume," I waited for a reply before going on.

"Hn." My eyebrow twitched. Apparently, he really loves to say that word, or whatever it is, because that's the majority of what he says. I pushed my irritation to the back of my head and looked up at him.

"What are you doing here?" I asked but then realized how silly that must've sounded. Then again, it really wasn't. If that even makes sense. "I mean, well, since I moved, and then attended a different school, you somehow ended up going there too, so, didn't you move too? If you did, then what are you doing back here?" I blurted out, trying not to sound like a complete idiot. …As he already pointed out a million times already.

He looked at me, then at the sky with a blank stare. What's the point in doing that? Then he sighed. "Same reason you came here." My eyes widened. Then they went back to normal and I punched him in the shoulder.

"Don't kid with me Hyuuga." He looked at me. And then glared. At first I was scared as I cowered under his intensive gaze, but then quickly regained my composure. What was so bad? I didn't get it. Did I say something weird? Did I say something offensive? I wasn't sure, but I recall all I said was, 'Don't kid with me Hyuuga.'

"Why are you calling me by my last name?" I heard him say. I went stiff. His voice was scarily serious. But what was so embarrassing and surprising, was that I blushed, even under the current circumstances. Why? Why did he care? "…Without honorifics?" I twitched. Honestly, you have GOT to be kidding me. Ugh, and I overreacted for no reason. Stupid me. Since when should I care about this stupid bastard in the first place?

"Don't kid with me, Hyuuga-_san_. If you think you're getting more than that out of this mouth, then you might as well just leave." I made an irritated face. He gave me a satisfying look and then looked away. "As if you and I would come here on the same day, and end up in the same place, at _the same_ time! It's absurd, and impossible." I finished.

"Unless one of us came earlier than the other." He said afterwards. I giggled a little bit at the beginning, like a real girl would, and he looked at me. Then it became a really loud laugh and I almost cried while laughing.

"Seriously though," I wiped my eyes of the little bit of water that started to form. "You shouldn't kid with me, Hyuuga." I said, totally ignoring that he wanted honorifics.

"Since when did you become such a tomboy?" He said, looking at me up and down.

"Well, first of all, stop looking at me like that," I could feel the heat rising up to my cheeks. I mentally sighed, no matter how many times I tell myself not to take everything this jerk does to heart, I can't help but blush when he does things like that. "And second of all," I paused for a moment. He was staring at me, waiting for an answer. I sighed out loud. "…You don't need to know." I finished.

"You're right. I don't need to. In fact, I never cared in the first place. With a body as straight and uncurvy as yours, you're better off dressing like that." A vein popped out on my forehead and a dark aura surrounded me. I stood up and hovered over him.

"_Uncurvy_? What the hell, Hyuuga! I come here all the way from-"

"Why don't you call me Natsume anymore?" He suddenly asked, cutting me off. "Tch. Stupid brat. You whine and complain that you came all the way here to see your childhood friends, yet you treat it as if we're strangers." I stared at him. You know, compared to how he was earlier, he's actually a really…

…a really soft marshmallow*.

"You honestly have no brain for someone in college." I take it back. He's still a jerk.

"You IDIOT!" I yelled at him, but sat back down on the bench anyway. We sat on the bench in silence. During this silent moment, I decided I'd take a look at my clothes. It really did look like I was a real tomboy. With dark skinny jeans, and a royal blue and white checkered sleeveless hoodie. I had my hair down though. I am not really a tomboy, despite what people say. I just don't like being in that girly-girl category. And the sleeveless hoodie, it's summer, isn't it? But I guess wearing the dark skinny jeans is contradictory for that reason…

"N-Natsume…" I started with a soft voice. At first we were silent, I don't know what he was thinking about, but I was thinking about how weird it felt to call him Natsume again. I know I had whispered it earlier when he saved me, but I had said it so unconsciously, I almost forgot I even said it. It has been so long since I called him by his name, and it felt so good as the word had rolled off my tongue.

He looked at me with his eyes widened about 1 fraction of a millimeter. In fact, I'm surprised I even noticed it. But hey, (I hate to admit) when you like someone, you notice everything.

At that, I began thinking again. I say I like him, and yeah, he's been pretty nice to me (despite making fun of me) these last hours we've been talking. Yes, we've been talking for hours now. But, I don't really know him. I clenched my already fisted hands (if that makes any sense) even tighter. How can I be so idiotic? He says that I have acted like we're stranger because I was calling him 'Hyuuga', but isn't that just what we are? Sure, we were best friends in the past, but that was, like, a whole lifetime ago. If you think about it, we really are strangers. And to put it out there bluntly, I like a complete stranger. No, that's not it. I'm in love with the old Natsume I new years ago. I could feel my heart being squeezed at the thought. The old Natsume…is already gone.

Wait. My hands unclenched. I just need to know more of the new Natsume, then. But another thought just hit me. Why am I so desperate to like Natsume? I almost panicked. That's a pretty good and deep question there, Mikan. _Why _am I so desperate to love this new Natsume? I realized the Natsume I had come to like was the old one, but why am I so determined to learn the new one and start over?

Natsume must've realized my silence because he finally spoke up, snapping me out of my thoughts and back to reality. "What?" He asked with an irritated voice. I shook my head. I'll just say it bluntly to make it easier. If he knows what I want, then it'll be easier to give.

…

God that statement sounded so selfish. But it's the truth, really. "I want to know more about yo-"

"Earlier, about Jazelle-chan…" He cut me off. At first I was really irritated that he would do that, and questioned if was even listening to me in the first place, but the mention of Jazelle-chan completely washed away that feeling and brought curiosity.

_Curiosity killed the cat._

I mentally laughed. I thought of how ironic it was to think of what my brother had said to me a long time ago when I felt so curious about Jazelle-chan. What was he going to say?

"Yes?" I asked, excitement building up in my chest. I want to know so badly. Just spit it out, you damned bastard!

"We're going out." Huh?

"Eh?"

"Jazelle and I…" No way. "Are going out." My eyes went blank and I just sat there. I was numb. I, Mikan Sakura, have gone numb. Just when all the feelings were coming back, just before I was able to reach them and take them back into my life, they slipped away.

I can't see. I can't hear anymore. Is he still talking to me? I don't know. I can't see if his mouth is moving. Am I still sitting on the bench? I can't even feel the bench or the ground anymore. Am I still even conscious? To that, I have no idea.

Just then, I felt as though I was a cat. A small, defenseless little cat. Who was just murdered by something called _curiosity_.

How ironic…

* * *

**Ahahaha…I'm sorry to leave such a sad chapter ending! But reviews would be appreciated! I hope I didn't lose everybody with the long update…I'M SO SORRY EVERYBODY! I promise to update soon, okkay? It's a promise. But I need reviews :) …Okay, that's a selfish request, isn't it? For someone who just took, like, a YEAR to update ONE chapter. And it's not even that long T_T **

**But please? Oh yeah...and by the way, I'm SO sorry if Natsume seemed so OOC! Then again I thought I mentioned that he would be OOC, but then I thought I said it was only at the beginning! GRR! Either way, I'm sorry!**

*** OH MY GOSH. I totally thought that it was spelled marshmellow! But on my computer it had a read line under it, and then I checked the spell check thingy and it said that it was marshmallow! I SO DID NOT KNOW THAT! I just wanted to point that out. Haha. But hey, now I know :D**


	9. To Feel Again

**Oh my gosh! Thanks for all the reviews despite me updating so freaking late…haha. Can you do the same for me again? Hehehe…you don't have to… **sigh** I deserve it…**

**Disclaimer: I own Gakuen Alice! *pinch* -wakes up from bed- Huh? Oh…it was just a dream…**

_**Chapter 9: To Feel Again**_

What? I can't see. Nor can I hear. And best of all, I can't feel anything either. Am I unconscious? Ah, I don't think so. Despite my loss of hearing, I can still hear the small wind blowing in the sky, accompanied by a very small voice to which I can't make out. What was I doing again? Oh yeah.

I'm sitting on the bench. Natsume is…going out with Jazelle-chan. Why? Why am I so infatuated with this bastard! I'm not understanding this at all. Why am I not able to just walk away and live the rest of my life, meeting new people and living happily ever after? It's because I'm so addicted to the past. I'm hooked on it. I desperately want to turn back time and redo things that I didn't do at the time. I'm in love with what was 13 years ago. Back when I was 5 and I lived a happy and perfect and easy life. Why is it so hard for me to forget it all and move on?

"I'm…happy for you, Natsume." I ruffled his hair and gave him a smile. I don't know what's going on anymore. Can I just fall to the ground and disappear? Many people wish to do that. Does it ever happen? No. What did those people do when they found out they couldn't just disappear? They got back up and moved on. So why couldn't I do that? I cleared the cloud of black from my eyes to see what was in front of me. Although I still felt numb, I could feel the pain stabbing at my heart. I didn't get it. Maybe I never will. But for now, all I can do is just…live with what it is. I stared at him sit on the bench, frozen. Was he not expecting that answer?

I giggled and got up from the bench, stretching. A few pops in my bones? Dunno. Can't feel 'em. I gave out a large sigh. "So, where's Jazelle-chan, anyway? You know, since you guys are going out," I paused for a second. That pain stabbing at my heart once again, just for being able to say it out loud. I felt the tears threaten to fall down. Why am I acting like such a girly-girl now? Is it because I'm crying over a guy I like? It's better to just go numb than to feel what I'm feeling now. I want them to just go away. To just leave me alone. "…It's only reasonable that you'd know where she is right?" I smiled and tilted my head to one side. He looked at me.

"Yeah. That was why I came down here to this town. She still lives here. I don't know where she is now, but you should see her around sometime. This town is small, after all, you know." He replied.

"Okay, thanks. Natsume." I turned around real quick. I had to lift my head. Obviously, I'm not in love with the new Natsume, but the old one. The old one is gone, I had to convince myself. Both Natsume and Jazelle-chan moved on, it's time for me to do the same. I just have to pick myself up and live with the current circumstances. "Well, I think it's about time for me to head back to the hotel. Don't want to be out too late, now do I?" I laughed. I didn't get a reply, much to my dismay.

Well, Natsume, thanks for sticking by me, not just when we were little, but even now. Even now, you saved me, and treated me like we were still best friends. It's not your fault. And I know that. You didn't know that I was feeling this way, so how could you know that you hurt me? Of course. Because you didn't. I hurt myself. In a way that I can't even explain to you. How pathetic. So, goodbye Natsume. For not only my sake, but all of ours; Yours, mine, and Jazelle-chan's.

* * *

I woke up the next day, laying in the comfy bed of the hotel. Yesterday was a disaster. I came down here to my home town just to see my childhood friends, only to find out how truly messed up I am. I had to let go of my feelings. I lifted my arm up and opened my hand towards the feeling, trying to reach something. I reached, and then I closed my hand. It slipped away. Just as I was placing the last card to the top of the tower, my hand slipped and the whole thing came tumbling down. I let my hand fall to the bed on my side again. I closed my eyes and heaved a big sigh.

Why? Will I ever be able to feel again? Will I ever be able to love a person in the now, than in the past? Why…

I got up from my comfy bed and started to get ready. I stripped of my clothes and turned the shower on, feeling it to make sure it gets hot before I go in. As I rubbed in shampoo to my hair, massaging my head to get it all in, I thought.

I should just go home.

I crouched down into a little ball, as I always did when I was in deep thought. What am I thinking? I said I came down here to see my childhood friends. As I look at the way I'm acting right now, it doesn't seem that way. I look like I came down here just in hopes of seeing Natsume. I shook my head. I truly am pathetic. I stood back up again to rinse and finish the rest of my morning routine. I should stay for a couple more days to see if I can find Jazelle-chan.

Jazelle…-chan. She's going out with Natsume. How long have they been together? I sighed. I said I'd move on. Of course they would go out, right? Why wouldn't they? Why _shouldn't _they? I have no say, I was out of their lives since like…first grade.

I dressed up, wearing shorts that went to just above my knee, wearing a royal blue v-neck shirt with a white undershirt. I slipped on some high-top vans that were black, with black and gray checkers on the sides. Today was a new day, and a new me. I'm starting out new, and fresh.

I took a step out of the door, with my over-the-shoulder black bag with all my stuff in it. I walked out of the hotel, breathing in the fresh air and feeling the breeze sway my hair to the side. Now, let's enjoy my day.

* * *

I sat in the booth of the café by myself, staring intently at the menu, wondering what I should order. I was starving. And I don't exaggerate. When I say I'm hungry, then that means I'll eat one entrée plate. Which is the normal amount of food that a person eats. Yeah, but right now, I'm literally _starving_. I could eat the whole store, if I really wanted to. But I think I prefer food over cement and wood.

Once I finally decided what I'd get, I put my menu down on the table and waited. Of course, I say 'waited' but just as I set the menu down, a waiter already made his way to my booth.

"Are you ready, miss?" He asked politely. I grinned and nodded.

"I am."

"Okay, what would you like to eat?"

"I'll have the bacon and eggs breakfast meal…" I started but was cutt off midway.

"Alrigh-" I was not done yet, mister.

"…and the 3 stack pancake meal, and I'll also have the seasonal French toast, and the raspberry mumbo-jumbo waffle, and can I have peanut butter on the side, too? Oh, and I'll also get a side order of that cinnamon roll you guys have, and a little side of fruit. Thanks!" I finished. I looked over at him and gave a smile. His mouth was agape. I laughed.

"I…u-uhh…ummm…" He was stuttering. Suddenly a man with nice, smooth-looking blonde hair and a pair of emerald green eyes came up behind him.

"It's okay, I got it all, Rei." He smiled at him. "Would you like anything to drink?" He asked me. I gave him a smirk. I hope he really got it all.

"I'll have orange juice." And then I handed him my menu.

About 5 minutes after both guys left, my food finally came out. They were pretty fast, especially since I ordered so much. I sipped on my orange juice, which they had brought out quite a while ago, since it wasn't all that hard to do…

I waited until all of my food arrived at the table. Let's see, I have my bacon and eggs breakfast meal, the 3 stack pancake meal, my seasonal French toast, my raspberry mumbo-jumbo waffle, _with _the peanut butter on the side, the side order of the cinnamon roll…and…even the fruit. I was amazed. I looked up at the man who remembered my order. It was truly amazing. All the other places I've eaten always either got my order messed up, forgot more than half of it, or had to keep asking me what I got every five minutes. However, this guy, not only did he remember all the food, but he got it to me in five minutes!

He was staring at me, and I was staring at him. I smirked.

"Impressive." I gave a nod of approval. "Congratulations, you are officially the first person to get all of my order right!" I laughed. I felt a tingle of happiness in the pit of my stomach. I stopped. I closed my eyes. Happiness…when was the last time I felt that? Since I was five years old, I hadn't felt this. Until Natsume saved me yesterday, however that happiness didn't last but 5 seconds. This one stayed. I snorted in my head. Over food, too.

"Congratulations! You are officially the first person to order so much food here!" He laughed. I opened my eyes and laughed with him. "My name is Fizzle McJagger." He introduced. I stared at him. "…Just kidding." He laughed. I snorted, and then started laughing again too. "My real name is Lori Hastune." He stuck his hand out for me to shake it.

"Mikan Sakura." I said back and shook his hand. And for once…

…it felt warm.

* * *

**OMG! I'm sorry this was short...and lame D: Please review though! And I swear to update sooner this time! Because I'm finally off from school and soccer :D So I'll have more time :) So please don't be so mad at me! ...Rebiew? - haha. filipino xD**


	10. Sparks

**Being Me**

**Ahahaha…ha…ha. Yeah…Um…long time no see? I'm sorry! I know, that's like, not even an excuse anymore, right? 'Cuz I say that like…every chapter? Yeah, see, about that…yeah I got nothing. Okay, well here's the next chapter!**

**And by the way, YESSERIE! I AM Filipina :P So suck on that one guys, I just made a couple Filipino friends :)**

**Disclaimer: Shall I say it? Should I? I don't think I should. Okay, you convinced me. I DOn't own Gakuen Alice. Huh? What? What was that? It looks like 'DO'? Yeah, well, TOO BAD! **

_**Chapter 10: Sparks**_

Doesn't the chapter title just remind you of Katy Perry's song 'Firework'?

_Cause baby you're a firework_

_C'mon show them what your worth_

_Make 'em go 'Oh, oh, oh'_

_As you shoot across the sky-y-y_

Yeah? No? I think it does.

The bell of the door rang as I walked out of the café. I held my hand on the hand that shook Lori's hand. It was still warm. What was it? I had never felt my hands like this. I inwardly smiled. Numbness? Gone. Now, warmth. I like it. I thought about it, and it just came from the guy from a café. The guy from a café…I think I just found a reason to stay here a little longer. Let's be good friends, Lori.

**Fin.**

…

**Jk. Haha. That would just be a rip off, wouldn't it? Just: Hm? Oh, yeah. I just wrote this to piss you guys off. 10 chapters of absolute nothing. It does, right? Yeah, you just wasted 10 chapters of your life reading this bull crap. **

**Katy Perry's awesome, isn't she? Lol. Just kidding. But don't you hate it when you wait heka long for a chapter, and more than half of it is the lyrics of a bunch of songs? I know I do. Well anyways, continuing :)**

I heaved a sigh. What have I been doing? I came here to see my childhood friends. Who am I to be exaggerating my sadness and meeting some new guy at a café and declaring that things might change? I shook my head. Whoever I end up with in the future is going to have to deal with a handful. A handful of bullshit, that is.

What was I going to do today? I mean, I know I said I came here to find Natsume and Jazelle-chan, but I really didn't have any plan whatsoever to find them. Natsume was pure coincidence, and I honestly right now, wish that moment hadn't happened. I wanted to cry. I did. And no matter how much I try to tell myself to stop overreacting over this 'stranger', I can't do it. My emotions just won't stop. Why is it that I started to act like this towards him again? I don't even know.

I looked up and was surprised to know that my feet had taken me to a little park. Also surprisingly, no kids were present at all. It was deserted. I sat down on the swing and began to slowly push back and forth to swing just a little bit. All of a sudden, I stopped. It's like déjà vu. Although, I KNOW for a fact that it happened. I was swinging, just yesterday. …Until I was almost kidnapped. But that's when Natsume showed up. And then we talked on a bench. And then I found out that Jazelle-chan and him were…going…out.

I felt a tickle on my cheek. Tears. Why? Why do I have to cry? Why does it have to hurt? I got off the swing and crouched down, crying on my knees for what seemed like years until-

"Mikan?" I immediately stopped, getting up and off the ground faster than my mind could register, saying, for God knows why,

"Natsu-" Lori. I felt my cheeks get hot. He scratched the back of his head. Really? I couldn't even distinguish the voices between Natsume and Lori. Two completely different people, yet I couldn't even tell the difference.

"Aha, sorry. Is that okay if I call you Mikan?" I snapped back into reality.

"Yeah, yeah. Of course! Then, can I call you Lori?"

"No." I looked back at him in surprise. You've got to be kidding me. "Just kidding. Yes, you may." See, I was right. But then he gave me a serious look. "Mikan, why were you crying?" I felt my eyes go wide. Just a tad. Hopefully. I tried to look away.

"The sand got into my eyes." Suddenly remembering that I was in a playground, I felt clever. There was no way I was going to tell him of my sad and pathetic not-so-love story.

"Oh. I see. That would make sense, if the playground actually had sand, Mikan. But it's bark." My head snapped up. And then I looked back down. It was true. All bark and no signs of sand whatsoever. I gave a sigh, ready to give him a quick overview.

"It's okay. I can see that you aren't really in the mood for telling me." I, yet again, gave a look a surprise. He just seems to be the surprising type, I guess. He understood me. And I didn't even have to say anything.

And I bawled out again. I couldn't stop it. I didn't understand why I was crying. Was it because I still felt sad about Natsume and my complicated feelings? Was it because I felt guilty for not being able to tell Lori? Or was it because of the fact that I was able to cry in front of this man, this man who understood how I felt, maybe not the complicated part, but the fact that I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to tell him. All I knew, however, was that I felt warm and comfortable. Warm and comfortable, when this person was willing to stay here with me and comfort me. Warm and comfortable when he crouched down on the ground to grasp me and hold me with those bulky yet soft arms that seemed to say "It's okay. I'm here for you. So cry." And that was all I did.

* * *

I'm not quite sure what exactly happened after that. I just sort of woke up the next day on a really comfy couch, the light shining in through a window, and the smell of French toast was filling the air. After a few moments of confusion and panic, I had got up and went on a search, to find that Lori was in the kitchen. At first it didn't register that I wasn't at my hotel room, and that I was in a house, until I wandered back to the couch and got lost. That was when I realized that the environment I was currently in was much, much bigger than my hotel room. Not to mention it was homey, not like the hotel room where it just felt…so not homey. If you get what I mean. I ran back into the kitchen to interrogate Lori, only to get lost even more. Just how big was this house! It was like a maze. And I'm bad at mazes.

"Mikan." I heard a voice call out. I whipped my head around to see Lori, standing there, shaking.

"Don't you dare laugh at me." I warned, trying my best to glare at him. But it failed, because he just burst out laughing, uncontrollably.

"This- ahaha- house isn't even- ahahahaha- that big! Hahaha!" He explained through laughter. I glared once again at him. It seemed big to me. "Anyways, breakfast is ready. You can question me all you want as we eat." He said once his hysterical laugh finally came to an end. He led me back to the kitchen, in which we sat down.

The French toast was a golden brown, and two of them sat on my plate, just begging to be eaten. I sprinkled some powdered sugar on the top and drizzled the syrup over it. I looked over to Lori, who was looking at my food. I looked over at his.

"You eat your French toast the same way I do!" He pointed. "Whenever people see me eat them like this, they call me crazy." He shook his head as if saying 'THEY, are the crazy ones'. I laughed at this.

"Same here. And they give me these incredulous faces when they see me put peanut butter on top of my waffles." He practically choked on his food. I snorted.

"I do the same!" It was my turn to choke on my food. It was incredible to have someone do the same crazy stuff with their food sitting right in front of you.

Lori and I talked some more, finding so many things in common that it was almost scary. Then the time came when I had to get back to my own 'home', so I helped a little with the cleaning before I left.

"You sure you don't need me to drive you back to your hotel?" Lori asked. I was happy he offered, but decided I wanted to walk by myself to think things through. I gave a smile and pointed to a large building only a few blocks away.

"I'm just right there, so it's fine." And he gave a nod. We waved and then I started to walk off. Just a few blocks away. I was done crying. I didn't want to cry anymore, and my eyes were exhausted. I ran out of tears, and so I'm done.

I gave a sigh of relief. I have a few blocks worth of time to think. Time to think all by myself. To explain how I feel. To get over the things that never started. To forget what never happened. To start new. This was the time I was going to use to get my story right. But it all came crashing down when I slick black car pulled right next to me and rolled down its window. Scared to look over, but had to nonetheless.

"Mi-chan! Long time no see! Natsume, look! It's Mikan-chan!" My eyes went wide as I looked to see that it was Natsume driving, and Jazelle-chan in the passenger seat. What happened to my nice stroll to think by myself?

"J-Jazelle-chan…" She gave this look that I knew was wondering why I wasn't overly excited to see her too. "Jazelle-chan! Oh my goodness! It's been too long!" I squealed. They both got out of the car so we could talk.

But I don't want to talk.

I just wanted to be by myself. But what can I do? I feel so rude. This isn't how I'm supposed to act since I came here specifically for them.

"_Honey, you know it's not going to be the same as you remember it as."_ The irony. However, it's the same for them. I have also changed. Changed in a way I don't like. This isn't how I imagined we would meet. I didn't want it to be this way. I don't want to be this way. Why couldn't we meet after my casual stroll? After I had the chance to sort my emotions? I guess I should just take this chance to change. I might as well make the best of it.

"Hey." A sudden voice interrupted our oh-so-joyous reunion. I looked over to see Lori and remembered I hadn't gotten too far from his house before running into my childhood friends. Not even past the corner. And his house in on the corner. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to interrupt this happy mood we have here, but Mikan has some really important business to attend to RIGHT NOW." He looked over at me. At first I was confused, but caught on quickly.

I gasped exaggeratedly. "Oh my goodness! I forgot! Oh, how could I have forgotton! What should I do?" I looked at him worriedly.

"Just come, NOW. We need to go." He gave me a certain look of stern.

"Bah! Can't we just say I suddenly became deathly ill and need special treatment?" I wanted to laugh really hard. I took a glance at the pair beside us to see what they were doing to see the shocked/confused/amused/totally lost look on their faces.

"No! Let's just go, now. C'mon, we'll take my car." And with that, he pulled me along back to his house, and on his driveway was an orange Lamborghini. It amazed me. For someone just working in a café, how in the world does he get a car like THAT? That is what I wonder.

Almost forgetting to say bye to my friends, I turn back whilst in the middle of being dragged to say a quick, "Sorry about this! Maybe I'll see you some other time!"

Lori and I got into the car and drove off somewhere far, far, from the place. I looked over at him. "Thank you."

He looked at me. "I told you I should have driven you back to the hotel."

* * *

**Again, sorry for the late update. I have a life too, you know! I just so happened to find some down time and decided to finish this up. Yeah, yeah. I know I'm throwing excuses. *sigh* Can you just review, please? Purrty please? Haha. It's okkay if you don't. I'll just go and sulk in the corner or something. Yeah. Sulk in the corner with the cone on my head that says 'ABSOLUTE LOSER'. So unless you want me to be completely emo...**

**R E V I E W ~**


	11. You Don't Know the Truth

**Being Me**

**Sigh…school is soo frustrating! And so, I am going to vent my anger out on this chapter ;) hopefully that wont affect the tone of this story very much. Haha. **

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Gakuen Alice or any of the characters. But I DO own Lori. Just sayin' :)**

_**Chapter 11: You Don't Know the Truth**_

_This twisted personality of mine,_

_As dark as it can be._

_I don't know what to do with it,_

_Someone, set me free._

_I can't hold up against_

_All these violent waves,_

_Because I feel my strength_

_Begin to slowly fade._

_This sea doesn't seem to be_

_As caring as we see,_

_For this twisted, lonely, me,_

_Will never, ever, be._

_~DarkBlueEyedWolf_

What the hell am I doing.

First, I come here to see my childhood friends. Then, I get here, and I pretty much run away from it because I can't handle the truth. Next, I avoid the two because I can't even put up with myself when I'm with them. Finally, I run off and have fun with some random guy named Lori whom I met at a café.

I don't have much to say for myself. I say that I love some guy who I haven't heard from or seen in decades. Then, I can't seem to handle the truth that my friends are in love with each other, and convince myself that I am starting to like this new guy? Just what the _hell_ am I doing.

I'm twisted. I really am. What should I do?

I replayed the events from yesterday. Hectic indeed. I was glad that Lori had shown up to save me. What would I have done if he hadn't? I'm ashamed that I don't know the answer to something so simple. I need to drop the feelings. I need to start anew. Why has this trip caused me nothing but trouble? I've become more and more frustrated that this problem has gotten nowhere. I haven't let go of anything despite my desperate plead to do so. Why am I like this? I don't want to be. But how can I change myself? I need to find away to wash myself clean and just become someone new. And I remember this one place where I can do just that.

* * *

**Natsume's POV**

I clenched my teeth. What has gotten me so frustrated and angry? The fact that Mikan is ignoring me? Hah. Little Miss Tiny-Tits is avoiding me and Jazelle. You don't know a thing, little girl. …You don't know a thing.

_-Two Years Ago-_

_Busy streets, cars rushing past, and the sound of honking constantly ringing through the city for cars to go faster, even though there's traffic._

"_Hahaha! Oh my gosh! That looks really cute! Hehe it reminds me of you!" I spun my head around to face a girl with silky brunette hair and hazelnut colored eyes that shined brighter than the sun._

"_Mik-"_

"_Oi, Tsubaki! C'mon, you can't keep on getting distracted at every store we pass by! We'll be late!" A deep voice called out to the brunette, and she turned and quickly ran to the man._

_Tsubaki…_

_What was I thinking? Mikan…she wouldn't be here in a place like this anymore. …why? Why can't I forget about her? She's in the past. Long gone. So why was it that I keep on thinking of a girl that I only knew when we were in the beginning of elementary school? She probably doesn't even know me anymore. Probably already forgot. _

_BUMP!_

_I had suddenly fallen to the ground. I was ready to start cussing out the stupid bastard who had ran into me even though I wasn't even moving, when-_

"…_Natsume?" _

_I looked at the person who was sitting on the ground next to me and noticed that it was Jazelle. _

"_Jazelle? What are you doing here?" I asked her. Wow, it's been a while. _

"_Oh my gosh! It's been SOO long since I've seen you! Ne, how's Mi-chan?" She asked. If only…I had known the answer to that question._

"_Uhh…Mikan…doesn't live here anymore." I looked at her and saw the sad look on her face. _

"_O-Oh. Haha. I-I see. Well th-that's too bad…" Silence filled the air as the atmosphere became thick and heavy. _

"_H-How about we go and eat some lunch there?" She pointed at this French-looking café. I shrugged as we both walked there to eat._

_When we both walked in, we sat at a small table for two and a waiter almost immediately showed up to hand us our menus. We both looked at it and chose what we wanted to eat. All of a sudden, there was our waiter towards the back, and he was talking to another person. _

"_I'm sorry, boss! I know this is sudden and all, I just got a call and my little sister has ended up in the hospital! I, or, you, can-" _

"_It's okay, I understand. Hurry and go, I can work in your stead." The deep voice cut off our waiter. I saw his quickly bow and run out of the café in a frantic rush and off into the distance._

"_What a ruckus." I sighed._

"_Yeah. But it is sad, though." I just nodded to that reply. _

_After a few minutes, we had already known what we wanted, and another man, I'm guessing the one who has taken over our waiter (aka: the boss), walked up to us to take our orders. He had blonde hair and green eyes. _

"_Hello, my name is Fizzle McJagger and I'm going to be taking your order due to some circumstances with your previous waiter." He smiled. Fizzle…McJagger? _

_Silence._

"_Just kidding." He laughed. "My real name is Lori Hatsune." I looked over to Jazelle only to see her ogling Lori and drooling over his looks. I rolled my eyes and decided to order first._

_-One year later-_

_My phone vibrated and I looked at the Caller ID to find that it was Jazelle. …Again._

"_What." _

"_Um, can you meet me at the café please?" She asked. Something sounded weird. Just this once, I say to myself. I'll do it._

"_Sure. Be there in a sec." I said. I grabbed my coat and keys and drove off to the said destination._

_By the time I got there, she was already sitting in one of the chairs. As I walked up, I saw her eyes were a little red, and she looked really nervous. I sat down, but she didn't seem to notice until finally, I decided to just give her a flick to the forehead. She snapped out of whatever she was thinking._

"_So what the hell happened to get you like this?" I asked. She took in a deep breath before she finally gave me the news of my life._

"_Please marry me." She had a serious look on her face. Marry her? We're friends. There's no way. Plus…I still can't stop thinking about…her. _

"_Jazelle, you know I ca-"_

"_PLEASE!" She shouted. The few customers that were there suddenly turned to look at us. I glared at them and they immediately went back to their own business. "Please…"_

"_Can you at least explain?" I gave her a frustrated look. You aren't randomly called to a café to suddenly get proposed to by a girl for no reason._

"_I-I…" She tried to start. "I...My parents set up an arranged marriage for me, saying that unless I can find a man of my own, I will marry the man from the Kuihaze family."_

"_So that doesn't necessarily mean that I have to marry you." My eye twitched._

"_W-Well, you see…." Great. This normally ALWAYS turns out bad. "I…uhh…I said that I had a boyfriend for a really long time now, and that we were going to get married soon?" She laughed nervously. This means I'd have to buy a ring for the both of us, and play along with her little love game. _

_Then a thought occurred. I could use this chance to forget about Mikan. For all these years, never ever forgetting her, always searching without hope to somehow magically find her. I could forget. Start over. I gave a smug look at her._

"_Hmph. Okay." _

And that was working for me. That was working until the one fateful day when I got a phone call from my so called 'wife' saying to meet her at the park.

"_Natsume!" I heard Jazelle's voice call out._

"_Hn." _

"_Meet me at the park ASAP!"_

"_Ah, okay. Wait, which park?" I said but I got nothing but silence. I sighed. Just which park does she want to meet at? Sometimes we meet at the park from our Kindergarten, but sometimes we meet at the park a couple blocks down from her house. Guess I'll just have to wing it._

_I walked over to the park at our old school, and a group of thugs gathered around a swing. Panic washed over me as I thought that Jazelle was on that swing. I quickened my pace. _

_I saw the girl get up and one of the guys went to punch her, but she ducked, and then gave a low kick to the guy's feet. He dodged it, but the girl quickly stood up and punched him in the face. That was when I noticed, that girl wasn't Jazelle. That…_

…_was Mikan._

That was when I had finally met her. I told her. I told her that me and Jazelle were going out. There was no way. There was no way that I could bring myself to say that I was married to our best friend, even though I didn't like her, but Mikan. Why I just had to lie to her, why couldn't I just come out with the truth and explain everything was beyond my mind. But I saw the look on her face. The shocked and sad look that just tore me apart. Since when did you have this affect on me?

Don't give me that look. Stop it. Please, because you…

* * *

**Mikan's POV**

I lay down peacefully in the grass of the gigantic meadow. There were a few flower patches here and there, and the soft breeze caressed my face. It was peaceful here. The only kids that knew of this place were me, Natsume, and Jazelle-chan. This, is the perfect place to just relax and let go.

The sky was an orange color. This was my favorite time of day. I would just sit and look up at the sky. Just relax, and enjoy the world for just a little bit.

"Can I lay here, too?" I jerked up and looked at the intruder.

Lori. Always. Always showing up when I'm in deep thought. Looks like he also knows where this secret place is. There goes my theory of only Natsume, Jazelle-chan and I knowing about this place…

"Sure." I heard the rustling of the grass before I could feel his presence laying beside me. I peeked over at him. "Lori," He gave a small grunt. "I think I'm ready." He looked over to me, almost as if saying, "okay, I'm here to listen".

"You know, I came here only because I wanted to see my childhood friends," I started off. I gave a small laugh, almost ridiculing how stupid I was. "But really, I hadn't noticed until I finally saw him, I only came here to find my childhood friend, namely Natsume, because I found out that I 'like him'. Stupid I know. I haven't seen him in a long time, I don't even really know him anymore, the only thing that I was still in love with was the old, small Natsume. I was filled with regret when I found out after I had moved that Natsume liked me when we were little. And it wasn't until it was too late that I had figured out that I liked him too. And the silly, naïve me thought that if I came back here to see him that it would be a happy ending." I laughed again at myself, feeling the tears well up.

"I really am stupid…" I covered my eyes with my arm. "When I finally saw him, I was told that him and our best friend were going out. What was I expecting?" I silently began to sob. I didn't want Lori to say anything. I just wanted him to listen. And thankfully, that was all he did. You don't know me, Lori. I'm a sick, twisted person. I can't do it anymore. I don't have the strength. I'm going to let these waves wash over me, I'm going to let it take my life. But in return, please, give me a new one.

Mou, Natsume. What have you done to me? What have **I** done to me? I don't know what to do.

Don't look at me like this…

_Don't give me that look…_

It's just that you…

_Please, because you…_

**Just don't know the truth.

* * *

**

**What up, what up! So I hope you enjoyed this chapter, but I kind of wrote it so that you had to think a little bit. Although, I don't quite know how that turned out, so I hope you can bear with me! Thank you for reading this, and please review! …and don't hate, kay? Haha. Although you can tell me some tips and what not to make this horrid story better xD**

**And tell me if you didn't get it, because I think I wrote it a little confusingly...haha.**


	12. I Can't Help But to Say It

**Hiiii….alrighty…the updately-usual: IM SO SO SO SO SORRY! I think every time I update late at least one person disappears -_- and then I get sad TT_TT**

**Well anyways, yeah, I'm sorry, and YES I mean it, I'm just suuper bad at updating early anyways…so ON WITH THE CHAPPY (:**

**WAIT! And for those who didn't quite understand the last chapter, it started off with a poem that just kind of said that a person didn't like their personality, in this case was Mikan, simply because she didn't like the way she was thinking and acting. Then it had a tid bit of Mikan's POV, and then switched to Natsume's to explain how his situation was with Jazelle. Here you find out he really likes Mikan still and is just as frustrated. At the end, it kinda switched off with Mikan's and Natsume's POV (sorry I wasn't sure how else I wanted to bring it up. It was either now, or later), I'm pretty sure Natsume was the italics with I remember right…and they were just kind of thinking in their heads the same line, which was "You just don't know the truth", meaning that both of them are acting opposite of what they really feel (in a way xD), and that both of them don't really know what's REALLY happening with the other. I have no idea if I made it more confusing or what (I'm really really bad at explaining…) but I hope this helped those who needed it! **

**NOW on with the chappy ;)**

_**Chapter 12: I Can't Help But to Say It**_

How is it possible, you ask? Well let me tell you: I. Don't. Know. Maybe it's because after all this time, that feeling that I didn't know I had when I was little kept growing and all of a sudden, BAM! The fact hits me hard in the head and just stuck.

Or I'm just stupid. That's also a possibility. Actually, I think that's it. How could I be in love with him still? It just doesn't make sense. And it frustrates me like hell. Not only because I already know that I can't get him and never will, but also because I'm so butthurt over it that I can't even gather my thoughts up and talk to Jazelle-chan! Argh. The one time I actually meet up with you by chance and instead I lied and ran off with Lori. Smart Mikan, VERY smart.

But, as of now, I'm once again at Lori's house, and we're sitting at the table in the kitchen having a cup of homemade coffee. After I told Lori of my 'oh so sad' story of what I was doing here in my hometown, he brought me over to his house and I ended up sleeping over on the couch. How in the world do I keep on ending up at this guy's house?

"Can I say something?" I heard Lori say that broke the silence between us.

"Go ahead." My voice was a little bit raspy.

"You are always saying that you're stupid, you're messed up, and that you're just flat out horrible because you still love that one guy, right? Well, first of all, you're not messed up. I'd say…you're more confused. You don't know what to do. If you still love him, why don't you do something about it? Stop going around feeling sorry for yourself and make something out of the situation. And seriously, you need to figure out something to be able to talk with your other friend." He stated all at once. Who knew. Here I thought Lori was just some nice guy that listened to my problems without a complaint, yet here he is helping me find a solution. I stared for a little bit.

"…I know. I'm just…scared, you know? Who feels like this? Probably no one. What am I supposed to do? Confess my love to who I believe is pretty much a complete stranger by now to me, while he has a girlfriend?" I said back.

"If you believe him to be a stranger to you now, why don't you get to know him better then?" Lori asked back. And to that, I had nothing to say. It was true. While I keep on running away from what's in front of me, instead of solving my problems, I'm making them seem way more complicated than they need to be. Silence once again filled the air as Lori and I sat there and finished our cup of coffee.

"Well, I guess I should get going, then." I got up to go and rinse my cup and put it in the dishwasher. Of all the times I've been here, I've pretty much familiarized myself with Lori's home. I saw him nod and finish the last bit of his coffee before he got up to proceed to the sink, too.

"I'll see you sometime, then?" He asked. I nodded a 'yes'. He followed me to the door and right before I was about to go out, he turned me around and I saw he had his phone in his hand. I already knew what he meant, so I whipped mine out real quick and we exchanged numbers. "Just call when you need me," He said, and I smiled before I left the house, ready for the long walk to my hotel room.

* * *

I crashed on my bed, my eyes feeling heavier than ever even though I just had coffee and it was 11 in the morning. I was sure they were swollen from crying yesterday. 'Do something about it', eh? Well, what do you suggest I do, Lori? I feel like I'm trying to do the impossible. I'm chasing after a guy-

"_If you believe him to be a stranger to you now, why don't you get to know him better then?"_

It was a good idea. But still. It's still hard for me to do it. I don't know why. Sometimes I wish that I could just lie on my knees next to my bed, pray to God and he would give me answers. But that obviously won't happen. Ever. But I still wish that sometimes. As I lay there, recalling my previous conversation with Lori, something was nagging at me. And it took me a while to finally pinpoint it. I felt that Lori was…irritated. His advice was indeed good, however, I felt like…he didn't really want to share it.

But that's probably just me. You know, since I'm already ¾ crazy and well on my way to 100%. Anyways, it was about time that I try to get to know Natsume better, am I right? But the one major question that needs be asked, is, "Where the FUCK am I supposed to find him?"

I feel terrible, actually. Even though something in me really tells me that I should find him and get to know him, it's just not right to just "get to know him" when he has a girlfriend. I feel like…I'm trying to steal the boyfriend of my best friend away. …That's all I say, isn't it? My best friends. My friends since I was little. But, reality really hits me and I think, "Are they really still my best friends?" And immediately after I think that, I feel extremely guilty. But my thoughts go back and forth. I don't really know them anymore. At least, that's how I feel at the moment. I'm sure once I start talking to them again, then we'll go back to being best friends, right? I wish I could tell that one extremely heartwarming line that goes, "As I thought of going back to being best friends, I felt this warm beam of hope deep in my heart that immediately told me 'It'll be okay'", but right now, it's just the opposite. It wasn't warm, it wasn't happy, but it hurt. And it hurt a lot.

* * *

I walked down the street to the little café that Lori worked at to eat some lunch. Amazing, really. They serve everything. The little things a small café would serve, meaning coffee and small pieces of cake, to big breakfasts, to lunches. Everything but dinner, I guess. It makes me wonder just how cool this place would be if it served everything you could possibly want. But, I guess you just can't get anymore perfect than this. I sat down at one of the two-seater tables and a waitress almost immediately handed me a menu.

Oh, but today was the day that God decided to give me the strike of luck. It was like the bell that goes off when you open the door suddenly sounded differently, the noise you hear from everyone in the café talking all at once suddenly went away, and the only sound you could hear is the sound of unusually familiar footsteps getting louder, and louder, and louder, until it finally stops in the place that's right next to you.

"Hi Mikan." I heard a deep voice call. I looked up from the menu I was looking at to see a perfectly tanned and cut man with raven hair and striking crimson eyes. Oh, the familiarity.

"Hey, Natsume." I smiled at him, gesturing the seat across from me for him to sit. Again, the waitress almost immediately handed him a menu. And I swear I saw her lingering a little bit longer after handing it to him, glaring silently at me without even looking. It was like mentally glaring, somehow. It was silent for a while. Neither one of us talked and just skimmed through the menu, deciding what we wanted to eat. Once we finally decided what we wanted, me ordering a big, fatty hamburger, and him ordering the same, I finally decided to break the silence with the simple sentence:

"So what's up?"

I could see that he kind of stared for a little bit. Not like a creeper stare, but almost a blank stare. Like he was looking at me, but not really. More into his thoughts. "Nothing, really." Came his ridiculously lame answer.

"How are things going with Jazelle-chan?" It was a painful but necessary question. He looked like he got lost in his thoughts for a few moments there, and I waited patiently for an answer. It seemed almost like he would rather not answer. If he didn't, I wouldn't press for one, but an answer would be much appreciated.

"…Pretty good." I nodded to him. Our food came, of course, since they have ridiculously fast service. I had barely gotten to eat my food, when I caught something in the corner of my eye that just had to go and ruin my life. What was it that I said? That God decided to give me luck? Well I take it back. At this moment, I felt like the Devil decided to bring me to Hell.

"Are you and Jazelle-chan getting married?" Was the Magic Question. Well, Natsume. Are you? Silence filled the air between us, and he froze like a statue. This pretty much answered my question, but tell me. Tell it to my face. Maybe the last question I didn't really care for an answer, but tell me. 'Yes' or 'No'.

And then it came. "Yes."

I'm not sure what kind of face I decided to show after I heard that line, but after I heard 'yes', I have no idea what came after.

"Wow, Natsume! Congrats!" I smiled. Did it look real? Did it seem real? Cause it sure as heck didn't feel real to me. It wasn't. It wasn't at all. Best Friends? Ha. That's long gone. Who was I kidding. They've moved on already and made themselves their own lives together. And I was not part of it. Honestly, though? If you want the truth out of me, I didn't want it to happen. And I'm sure everyone in this whole entire WORLD knows why, except for Natsume and Jazelle-chan. And who am I kidding. I came here with fake hope and the excuse of seeing my 'childhood friends'. But, just look. Look at just how absolutely messed up I am.

He stared at me. Do I look alright to you? "Thanks. You know, if you ever want to drop by and see us sometime, here's our address. We bought a house together." Really? A house. So you're living together, too. Well, congrats to that, too. He wrote his address on a napkin with a pen that I swear came from thin air, and handed it to me. I took the magic pen and wrote my hotel address, room number, and cellphone number.

"And if you guys ever want to hang out sometime, just give me a call and come on over." I smiled. No. Actually, don't ever come over. Please. I'm begging. I don't think I'll be able to take it. "I think I should get going now. I'll see you around!" I got up from my seat, and looked to see Lori in the back. I waved to him with a sad smile and he waved back. He made the cell phone sign with his hand and put it up to his ear and mouthed a 'call me'. I nodded and smiled a small smile, before turning back to Natsume to say a final goodbye. I was kind of shocked to find out he was watching Lori and I's silent conversation, but disregarded it, anyway. Why would a _married_ man care, anyway?

I walked out of the café and right as I started walking down the sidewalk back to my hotel, my phone vibrated. My hands got sweaty and I got nervous. I had to stop my walking because I was concentrating on what message I got. What was it? Did Natsume already talk to Jazelle-chan and they decided to hang out right now? That was really fast. I'm not ready yet. I don't want to hang out right now. Best friends? No. We're not best friends anymore, we're strangers. I picked up my phone and gathered the courage to read my message. I heaved the heaviest sigh of relief ever when the message was from Hotaru.

_Hey BakaMikan, _

_Don't you forget about Ruka and I over here waiting for you to come back! I expect 10 boxes of crab brains and a rabbit because Ruka wants one. That idiot. Why are my two best friends idiots? Whatever. I love BakaRuka anyway. And you, too, of course._

_ -Hotaru_

I smiled. No matter how hard I tried to hold them back, the tears came rolling down anyway. "THEY, are my best friends." My voice barely came out.

* * *

I laid down on my bed and cried. I cried, as much and how hard I could possibly cry. I was by myself, and there was nobody but me to cry out my misery. How did this get me so messed up? I always ask myself this same question, and it has yet to be answered. Will it ever be answered? At this moment it time, though, answering questions was not what my mind wanted to do. And before I knew it, I cried myself to sleep and didn't wake up until late at night. I never got to feel my eyes go back to normal and not so swollen before I cried once again and they felt even more swollen. I looked at my alarm clock beside my bed and it was already 7:00 p.m. I sat up and thought. I looked around my room, and looked outside my window. It's over. My trip is over. It's been a week. It's been a week of pain and despair. In fact, it would've been better if I had just not come at all. I looked down at my hands. It's time to go home.

I got up off of my bed and closed my eyes for a brief moment to heave a heavy sigh before I started to pack my things. There was a train at 10 in the morning back to the city where my college is that I can take. I can just buy a last minute ticket when I get there because nobody comes here to this town, so it won't be crowded or hard to get.

Once I was done packing, another fresh wave of tiredness swept over my body again and I already wanted to go to sleep again. I slipped under my sheets and let myself drift to sleep.

* * *

I woke up at 8 a.m. the next morning and just laid in bed. I had dreamt that I met up with Natsume and I confessed that I loved him. But that's not what was surprising. What surprised me was that he loved me too. And he said it so sincerely. He wasn't Jazelle-chan's fiancée. He wasn't taken. Jazelle-chan was happy for us, and Hotaru and Ruka somehow was good friends with both Natsume and Jazelle-chan, and also supported us. But of course it's too good to be true. Of course I had to wake up to reality. I got out of my bed to get ready so I could check out and go back "home". Once I was done, I once again sat down on the edge of my bed. This wasn't how I wanted to leave. This wasn't what I came here for. I know it's over. I know this chapter of sadness and misery was already over, and that once I leave it will be yet another chapter in life, and good things were bound to happen. But this wasn't supposed to be the last sentence of the chapter before starting a new one.

I bolted out of my room and down the street, several blocks over, and stopped in front of the gate to my Kindergarten. And there he was, also panting and out of breath from running from his house. I'm not sure how it was that we knew we were going to be here. I'm not sure how it was that we knew it was this exact time that we needed to meet here. The hands of Fate just decided that this was the time and place we two people needed to be, before we parted and lived our separate lives.

"Natsume." I said between pants, since I still had not caught my breath yet.

"Hn." Came the oh-so-famous reply, also between pants since he was in the same situation I was in.

"Natsume, I'm going home." I started off. I was going to get it all out. I was going to let out what I had been holding in this hold time. This feeling that was making me feel horrible. I was going to let him know, and even though I knew the answer, it was officially going to be the end. "I'm going to say this to you so it can finally be over. All these years, this whole week that has felt like a lifetime, it's been there in me and it's been nagging at me, wanting me to tell it to you. Well, now is the time that I'm going to say it, and it's finally going to be over." He took one last deep breath, and was finally back to normal. I did the same right after, and then I was also finally back to normal. "I never did realize it. When I was little. And I'm sorry I never did. Maybe if I did then things would be different. But that's obviously not how it was supposed to be. And because things ended up like this, I'm finally able to say this to you. Natsume, I love you. Yes, I said it right. I love you. It's not past tense, it's not in future-tense or whatever you want to call it. It's what I feel right now. And I know that you are already taken, and I am happy for you because you're happy. This whole week I spent here has been really messed up because of this, but it's over. And one day, I will finally get over this, and meet someone and have a happy life just like you are starting now with Jazelle-chan. But I just can't help but say it, at least once before we part. I love you." I finally said it. I could tell he was shocked. Well, so was I, for the most part. And I turned around, ready to walk on ahead towards the rest of my life, when-

"What. Are you. Doing. With my _fiancée_!" I heard a snarl come from the girl that I once called my 'Best Friend'. And for once, I was terrified of her.

* * *

**Hello! Long time no see! Aha….yeah. I'm sorry. I hope you liked this! GEE- ZUS! What is Jazelle up to now, eh? Well, you'll just have to wait! Ehe. The next chapter will be the last so I'll try to make it a lot sooner and hopefully bunches better too, but I honestly don't have a lot of time. I'm actually writing this at 1 in the morning on a Thursday night when I have school tomorrow to get this out to you guys because I will be gone for a while! My schedule every. Single. Day. Is freaking PACKED with things to do! School throughout the day, and sports up until 8 o'clock at night. Then homework until 11. Yeah. That's how it is every day. And then sports someplace really far away on the weekends :/ So yeah. I'm sorry! But I hope you liked this chapter (: and Review? **


	13. And Then I Crossed the Finish Line

**Aaaaand Hi.(: uhm, yeahh. So I'm probably the worst author in the history of history, aren't I? I absolutely SUCK at updating fast -_- If I were an author, I would be fired because I would never meet the deadline. *****sigh* oh well! On with the story ;)**

_**Chapter 13: And Then I Crossed the Finish Line**_

I'm tired. I'm lonely. And I'm scared. I don't want this anymore. Where did you come from, Jazelle-chan? Why are you here? Why can't everything just go smoothly? And lastly, why am I always stuck in despair, asking questions that will never be answered? I watched Jazelle-chan angrily make her way over to where Natsume and I are. Her face was flushed red in anger.

"What the fuck are you doing, Mikan!" She screamed at me. Her high-pitched voice screeched and almost made my ears bleed.

"No, Jazelle-chan, you don't unders-"

"Oh, I think I have a pretty damn good understanding of what's going on. You're trying to steal Natsume away from me, aren't you? How could you, Mikan?" She was hurt. But that wasn't it. There was something else…

"I'm trying to tell you, if you would just listen to me-"

"And I thought we were _friends_." I froze. We…were friends? I wanted to laugh. I felt my blood begin to boil. It was jealousy. I had been in a week of misery, and was in desperate need to move on knowing that she had Natsume all to herself, and that they were happy without me. Yet she was _jealous_ of me. Maybe I had some selfish thoughts here and there including Natsume, her, and I, but I had at least considered 'our friendship'. But I guess it was just me. I guess it was just me that had taken it into consideration. I guess it was just me that still wanted to be friends with each other, that still wanted things to work out between us. But I guess it was impossible because of Natsume. Neither one of us could have him and still be friends. I was two seconds away from accepting the fact that Natsume and Jazelle-chan were lovers, yet even though she had the favoring hand, she decided on her own that we couldn't be friends.

I laughed out loud. "Tsk, tsk, tsk, Jazelle-chan," I gave a smile. But this one wasn't bright. It wasn't shiny, like the sun. It was dark. And it was ready to bring Jazelle to a whole new level of Hell. "Friends?" I giggled. "Oh my. We are, Jazelle-chan. We're sooooo close, you know? We're so close that I decided to take a week of my life to travel from where I'm from to my hometown, here, just to see you guys." She started to back away. But each time she did, I took another step closer. And closer. And closer. Natsume just seemed to disappear. Both of us paid no mind to him.

"Wha- what are you talking about? I was trying to be nice to you. When I saw you on the sidewalk in the neighborhood while me and Natsume were going out. I called out to you, smiled. But you left. You were the one who smiled and left, deeming you had something to do. But you didn't, did you?" She accused. She was right. And I wasn't going to deny it.

I took a step back for some space. "Nope. Nada. Nothing. I just didn't want to see you then. Because you know what happened? As soon as I saw Natsume the first day I came here, I already knew. I loved him, and always had. But I just didn't know that the love I had for him a long time ago wasn't friendship. It may have started out that way, but it became deeper. I just hadn't noticed. But on that same day, he told me you guys, you and him, we're _going out_." I felt rivers on my cheeks. Small, and silent ones, but rivers nonetheless. But I smiled. "And from there, I just didn't want to see you. Because I knew that once I saw you, I would go crazy," I started to get closer to her. "Just. Like. Now." I laughed like a maniac, gave her a crazy, deathly almost, hug and let go. "I just love it, you know? We're so, _so_, close. So close, that even though I decided to pour my feelings out, move on, and let you live your happy lives together, that my 'best friend' decided to end our friendship. Just. Like. That."

_Slap!_

I put my hand on my red cheek that pounded in pain. Little trickles of blood ran down the side in result of her long nails scratching my cheek in the process.

"We're _not_ friends. Not anymore." She glared at me.

"Jazelle!" Natsume yelled. Jazelle looked over at him in shock. "You can only go so far! How could you when we're not even-"

"DON'T SAY IT!" Jazelle screamed, so loud it even echoed in through the town. She covered her ears and crouched to the ground. "Don't say it…" And then she began to cry.

"Jazelle, this isn't right. You know how I feel. And yet…"

"I know! But why! Why won't you look at me? I've tried so hard. Weren't you happy? Not even once when we were together?" Jazelle-chan looked over to Natsume desperately. Now I felt left out. Just what was going on?

"I was. But not in that way, Jazelle." Natsume turned to me. "Jazelle and I aren't really married. Nor were we ever boyfriend and girlfriend. It was all just a lie because Jazelle was being forced into an arranged marriage. But I guess…"

"It was because she also loved you." I finished.

"I'm sorry. And I knew how you felt about me, too, I could tell when we first met-"

"You knew?" I cut him off. Now I was confused. He knew…but he decided not to tell me anything? So all this time… "You knew, but you decided to keep playing along?" I asked again, not really expecting an answer. He nodded. Jazelle-chan got off the ground and looked at both of us.

"Wait…you guys have been seeing each other before? And I didn't know about this?" I felt anger well up inside. I gave a mean look over at Natsume.

"Was it fun? Was it fun playing this little game by yourself? You knew how I felt, you knew I loved you, and kept on being nice to me. Not only that, but you never even told Jazelle-chan I was even here? That I even _existed_? Well, did it turn out how it planned? Was this what you wanted? I really do love you Natsume. However, at this moment in time, if this is who you really are, I'm not so sure anymore." I'm tired of this race I'm in. I've been running for a long, long time. And I'm tired. This race is never-ending. Who am I trying to beat? What is this race for? It was between me and myself. I was trying to beat myself. All this time, it has been me. Trying to sort out my life. It's a lonely race. There's no one there but me. And lastly, I'm scared. I'm scared of what I'll find. I'm scared of this obstacle course and I'm scared of what's at the finish line. Is it happiness? Sadness? Or madness?

_Baka baka baka._ I was hit in the head with something, and was knocked over. I looked around to see who it was and found Hotaru and Ruka. My eyes widened. "How did you guys get here? No, wait…How did you guys find me?" I said in amazement.

"Baka. You were taking too long. And we wanted to see you. Before you left I planted a secret tracking device in…I think it's better if you don't know." I sweat dropped. "Anyways. I think it's time to go." I looked at her in surprise.

"I don't have my stuff. And…" I looked over to Jazelle-chan and Natsume.

"Mikan!" I heard a familiar voice call out to me. I turned to find Lori driving up. How did everyone know where we were? He stopped, got out of his car, opened his trunk, and threw all of my stuff out. I had soooo many questions right now, but they were all stuck in my throat. "…I think it's better if you don't know." I almost fell over. What was going on? No. I wasn't done with my problem. I can't let this go on anymore. I won't have this chance again to come back and settle this conflict with my 'best friends'. I have to do it now.

"Jazelle-chan. I really did always think of us as friends. Even now. We may not be best friends, 'cuz these guys right here," I put my arms around Hotaru and Ruka. "Are my best friends. And always will be. Natsume," I started. I took in a deep breath. "I'm not sure if I'll ever forgive you for what you've done here, but I'll never regret ever coming to realize that I love you. I may not know 100% about you anymore, but for some reason, something in my heart decided that it loves you. However, I'm running this race right now, and I'm not sure when it ends. Maybe it'll be over when I take my stuff and leave forever, moving on, and maybe not. I don't know where the finish line is, or how far away it is, but I know it's somewhere. Our meeting was very short and complicated, but I sure as hell am glad I got the chance to experience it. I told my feelings to you, Natsume, and now it's time I say goodbye." I felt my eyes brim with tears again. I looked over at both Natsume and Jazelle-chan. I'm not sure if I really settled whatever conflict that we have, but at least my part is done. I had a great beginning of my life with these two friends of mine. It was filled with excitement, and sadness, but I'm still grateful for it. But then I grew up. And I became best friends with Hotaru and Ruka, who will always be there for me. And I met Lori, who helped me get through this mess. And now this chapter closes.

"Goodbye." And then we left.

* * *

**Ten Years Later**

We through our hats up in the air, finally signaling the end of our college life. We were officially adults now, on our own and ready to make out own life. I became a family doctor, Hotaru became an engineer, and Ruka became a Veterinarian. I wanted to cry. Hotaru, Ruka, and I hugged, and swore to keep in touch, always. The two lovebirds were now engaged, and I'm sure were only days away from buying a new house and starting a new family. I didn't have a boyfriend. I had dated a couple times, but none of them worked out. Someday, I thought. Someday.

I walked out of my apartment, wanting to go for a jog before I went to my job. Once I was downstairs, outside, and on the sidewalk, I turned on my iPod and started to jog as I was scrolling for a song. All of a sudden, I crashed into someone, dropped my iPod, and then heard them drop something too.

"I'm so sorry!" I apologized, and bent down to pick up my iPod and whatever they had dropped. I found myself picking up a big bouquet of flowers. "My, these flowers are beautiful! Who are you-" I looked up to find myself staring into deep, crimson pools. "Natsume." I whispered underneath my breath.

"They're for you." I froze. Me?

"How? When? Why-"

"Hotaru, her tracking device," I shivered thinking about where that goddamned tracker could be. "Two days ago," He paused, "Because I love you." And then kissed me on the lips. "I'm sorry." He whispered.

And then I crossed the finish line.

* * *

**Ohayou! I think that's how you spell it. Anyways, THE END! Yeeeah. Uhmm, I hope you liked it…review please? **

**GAH. You know it's bad when the author herself has to re-read her last chapter to remember what happened :/ that was reeeeally bad. I'm sorry! And yeah, I decided to put my ramble on the BOTTOM of the page because more people are likely to read it at the bottom than at the top :P at least...that's what I do xD ahahah. Yeah…anyways, I'm sorry for those who waited so dang long for this chapter! And I'm sorry if it's confusing, or doesn't make sense…or is just flat out horrible D: I hope not…So yeah. I was sad finishing off this story, but happy at the same time that it's finally over! I don't have to write any more Mikan-Misery ): it was sad writing those out…**

**Anyways, review, pretty pretty pretty, please! I would sincerely appreciate it ;) Gracias! Oh wait…uhh, uhh…Arigatou(: lol.**


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